| By Jat Punjabi on Tuesday, June 15, 1999 - 01:25 am: |
Just one thing, there is no excuse for having extra-marital affairs and I think it should be made illegal as it's being considered in California.
| By Sincerely... on Tuesday, June 15, 1999 - 02:59 am: |
Hi Jat,
I had no idea that that was being considered in California! Wow! California of all places! What else do you know about it? Do you think the bill will really pass?
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Jat Punjabi on Wednesday, June 16, 1999 - 12:50 am: |
Hello Sincerely,
Actually, it was only once on 11'o clock news. It was late at night and as you can imagine I was half-asleep. But, I never heard anything about it after that.
You raised a pretty good question. It's difficult to say whether the bill would pass. But, at least we would know mentality of our politicians.
Also, I wonder what would happen to Clinton if infidelity were illegal when he was involved with so many women.
Take care
| By Sincerely... on Wednesday, June 16, 1999 - 02:54 am: |
Hi Jat,
I think you raised a very interesting topic here. I would love to hear more opinions on this. I personally agree with you. But I wonder how it would be enforced or proven in a case of an alleged affair? What would the penalty be? I think you are 100% right when you say it would at least, give the public a idea of the mindset of our politicians. Don't even get me started on Mr. Clinton... ;o) If the proposal were up to you, what would it be and how would you enforce it?
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Dee on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 02:40 am: |
Hello, I was married, but now I am divorced about 5 years ago, but still have not got over it. My husband cheated on me when we was only married 2 weeks (newly-weds!) apparently he already had a girlfriend and other girlfriends! that's what a tart he was! the fact is his family pushed him into getting married - i knew nothing of this. eventually every detail came out from him and his mother - the witch! I had some feelings toward him but he never spent any time with me, why did it have to be me? I never cheated on him. Now I feel used and abused because their stupid family was trying to keep him in line so that he would not show up the family!! Please comment, I can contact him if I wish - but he will only want to do physical things to me. I do not want this as I feel he is only using me - unless he does have feelings for me I do not know. I am all so very confused! he is a saggitarrius (a git in my dictionary!) and I am a pisces. Please help and comment accordingly.
Ciao Dee
| By Jat Punjabi on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 04:12 am: |
Dee,
It's really up to you what you want to do. We all react differently basically because we all have different expectations from our lives.
It looks like you have been through hell and divorced already. It can't get any worse. If you are worried about people talking about your situation, they are probably already doing so. Why would you want to go back to the same thing again especially since he has been cheating on all along and according to you, he would probably want you for the physical thing? Then it's just my own opinion. Please, keep in mind that I would do things differently than you would because if I were in the same situation.
Other thing, people always ask why bad things happen to them when they don't do anything bad to other people. Well, nobody has a valid explanation to this. Some people would say it was due to your karma. But, nobody really has any proof of what we did in our previous lives. Nanak Dukhiya sabh sansar. The only thing we can do is to do our best to avoid problem and if bad things do happen to us, we need to find a long-term solution.
Your divorce might turn out to be better for you than your marriage. At least now, you can better plan your future. Even if you are confused about his feelings toward you, you should set your priorities. Do you really want to live with a cheater? Do you think you can be happy with him? In my book, there is no excuse for infidelity. But, it's all up to you how you want to look at it. Please, don't get confused with horoscope signs. They are just for fun, don't really mean much.
Please, be advised that I am not an expert in anything. I am just trying to convey how I feel about your situation.
| By Jat Punjabi on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 06:09 am: |
Sincerely,
I might be wrong but I heard that it used to be legal in state of Texas to kill your wife if you found her cheating with someone else. Although, I think it was really harsh, I still believe in some kind of punishment for adultery.
I know it's probably easier to punish a murderer than an adulterous person because murder is committed against someone's will and adultery is usually committed with an agreement between two people (person committing adultery and his/her partner) in a relationship. So, they usually have feelings for each other and probably wouldn't want to get each other in trouble. In other word, it would be difficult to find co-operating witnesses.
I also think that even now, if someone is caught being adulterous in a marriage, he/she gets punished if there is a divorce and there is some common property involved. I don't about any other place, but in California, the common property usually gets split half-and-half after divorce. But, if someone is getting divorce due to adultery, the spouse committing adultery usually gets less than 50 percent of the common property. At least, this is what I have seen in the TV show "Divorce Court".
Take care
| By Sincerely... on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 08:55 am: |
Hi Jat,
I used to live in Texas, Amarillo. I know that not so far back they considered it a crime of passion. Not just in Texas but just about everywhere. It is not so easy to use that excuse anymore.
I was thinking to prove something like that in court, if it ever did become a law, that you would have to have documented evidence. Like following the spouse undercover, private detective, etc. Although, innocent people could be set up too.
I think it's a very interesting notion but I don't see how something like that could be enforced without wondering what is true or not. I guess a lie detector test might be an option. It's kind of ming boggling when you think about it.
I guess it just gives me a giggle to think about all the cheating going on out there and what kind of response it would get. Would they protest or something? I don't think President Clinton would hear of it! I can hear the vetos from here! :o)
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Princess on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 09:57 am: |
Sincerely,
I don't think something so harsh and barbaric is legal anywhere in the US. However fyi in a lot of muslim countries including Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan etc a man is allowed to kill his wife for adultry and often times in the rural areas it is a spectacle for the entire village to see where she is either stoned or lynched.
The definition of a wife cheating in these countries?
a. She gets raped by someone.
b. She is seen in public or knowledge comes up that she has befriended/talked to a man other then a brother, father or husband.
That's all that's needed.
What's the punishment for a man cheating?
None, it isn't recognized. Don't forget that they are allowed to marry upto 4 times if any of the previous wives are barren and they should be able to provide for all equally.
I know first hand tons of muslims in the middle east that have upto 10 wives and being barren had nothing to do with it.
Food for thought.
| By Sincerely... on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 11:07 am: |
Hi Princess,
I was talking past tense, like as recently as 80 to 100 years back. I do not condone it but those are the facts. Regardless of what was on the law books back then, it was a most common occurence.
It wasen't always done by strangling,shooting or beating. It was done with poison and so called accidents also. There is alot at the library on the history of crimes of passion against women & vise versa. Until very recently, in the terms of History was this behavior started to be frowned upon.
My Mother is from Tennesee and things like that still occur in her small town where she is raised. My Grandmother was married at the age of 12. She still won't admit to an outsider her heritage either, you must be white. There are certain mentalities that stick around in certain areas. That town has a culture of it's own. And believe me, all the men folk are trying their hardest to preserve it, including the Sheriff. So you can imagine the problems with prosecution. Incest among family members is common also. My Mother is an incest survivor.
It happened in the good old USA too. As far as men cheating, I don't condone that either. But you know the still stupid way of thinking- Men do it and they are manly. Women do it and they are whores. And so it goes...
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Sincerely... on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 11:24 am: |
Princess,
I was just reading over the posts. And just incase you might have misunderstood when I was talking about lie detector tests, etc. I was referring to a "what if" law. If it was a crime punishable by law to have an affair here in the USA. I thought I would write this incase you thought I was taking the subject of women lightly in these situations of a crime of passion. I was not referring to crimes of passion. I was referring to a law if it was actually passed. And of course, this law would be applied to the male sex also! :o)
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Jat Punjabi on Thursday, June 17, 1999 - 09:57 pm: |
I am not sure if there will ever be a law against infidelity. But, if there were something like that, it would at least apply to both genders and it would be another step towards bringing men and women at the same level. I am not saying that currently there are more men or women having extra-marital affairs. I just don't know. I have also seen people of both genders doing it.
Well, even now, Polygamy is illegal in US and I know, at least I have seen on TV, that there are some men in some part of US having a number of wives.
So who knows that the law against infidelity would be any more effective than law against polygamy.
Take care
| By Sincerely... on Friday, June 18, 1999 - 12:37 am: |
Hi Jat,
There are some men in Idaho that practice polygamy under the Morman belief system. Regardless of what laws are on the books, I think that when it comes to human interaction there is no way to control it.
There's a fellow on the construction crew building my house that lives and fathers children with two women. Go figure!
Also, homosexuals live together under the same roof. Putting eachother on eachother's insurance, buying property together and adopting children. Marriage between the same sex is still not legal but they still have commitment ceremonies, wear rings and the like.
As far as affairs, there are just as many men having them as women. It takes two to tango in these things. But really, regardless of laws, people are going to do what they do in their private lives. It was an interesting idea though. It makes you think about how in the world a thing like that could be enforced. But when you get right down to it, I really don't see how it could be enforced. It would be too easy to accuse an innocent person and have big brother run everyones life.
I still don't know what the punishment would be. I don't see throwing someone in jail for something like that. As hurtful as it is to an innocent spouse and the children, it's a chance you take when you marry or get into any relationship for that matter. Someone may get hurt when feelings and trust are involved. I just found it interesting that a law like that was even considered, if you heard it right. :o)
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Independent on Friday, July 09, 1999 - 09:37 pm: |
and what of cyber adultery..?
| By Neelam Sandhu on Thursday, July 22, 1999 - 06:09 am: |
I am having fun having lovr affair while I am married I don't think there is anything wrong with it.My husband don't care,cause I am sure most of men do this .
| By Jat Punjabi on Thursday, July 22, 1999 - 08:45 pm: |
Independent,
That's a very good point.
Does anybody else have any comments on what Independent said? I think Cyber is still wrong. I assume people having cyber affair would tell the other person that he/she isn't married. In my opinion, having an affair is wrong if it's done without other partner's knowledge and approval unlike Neelam Sandhu is doing here. I am not saying that it's OK to have an affair with your partner's approval. I guess it depends who you are and where you live.
Neelam,
I guess it's ok for you to have an affair as long as your husband doesn't care and thank you for sharing it with us. Although I think it's sick, I have seen some people sharing their partners with someone else. It scares me to think about the future of our society. Are we leading towards a society in which it's going to be acceptable to have an affair? Isn't it another version of polygamy or rather worse than polygamy? How are we going to deal with people who can't tolerate their partners having affairs? Are they going to be considered at fault if they can't tolerate their partners having affairs? How are we going to raise next generations? Are we going to teach them it's OK for married people to have affair? Actually, maybe it should be a question for you. Are you going to teach your children that it's OK to have affair?
Take care
| By Seekwar on Friday, July 23, 1999 - 02:23 pm: |
Neelam,
Why are you not faithful to your husband. Who is not only your husband but a family member, your first cousin! Is this ok to do in your family? Do you also agree with this myth that Punjabi have big penis? Can't you control yourself? Maybe you can hook up with London Girl's husband who is of your casste, he can keep you busy , London Girl can be free and your husbsand won't have to be with a woman who can not be faithful and brings brings shame to the entire family.
| By Anonymous on Sunday, July 25, 1999 - 12:24 am: |
Neelam,
Don't you have respect for yourself and your family? I don't think your parents raised you to behave the way you are behaving. Did you ask your husband if he cares about your affair or you just assumed he doesn't care?
Folks, I don't see any difference between American men/women and Indians do you? Indians have "holier than thou" attitude but in reality they cheat and hurt just as much as any other culture.
| By Sincerely... on Sunday, July 25, 1999 - 02:59 am: |
Anonymous,
There is no difference at all in my personal opinion. The only difference is that we don't have the huge pressure from "society" as the Indian culture. They do it but are more careful or come to an agreement from what I have picked up in this forum and from people I know from day to day life. But in closing- I do not agree with affairs at all.
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Anonymous on Wednesday, August 04, 1999 - 04:56 pm: |
Everyone,
I don't always use the same name when I am posting either. Depending on if I am responding to another Anonymous or the mood. What's the difference... I think it is wrong to make assumptions on this internet boards that everyone is honest...Discussions should be and are based on the topics. Not based on who it is? Basically, every on these board is virtually responding, not face to face, identity should not matter.
| By Princess on Wednesday, August 04, 1999 - 05:36 pm: |
Anonymous,
You missed the point of what editor was saying. Whenever people post on this board they leave behind a trail of numbers that is unique to their location and particular machine hence it is next to impossible for any two people to have the same trail of numbers.
So basically the point was that there is one person pretending to be several different people on the board creating a big of a chaos. That is unethical.
| By Pat on Wednesday, August 18, 1999 - 12:32 pm: |
Well it depends how does one define extra maritial affair. If one is sleeping with some one else other than their husband then it is wrong..but guess one always does not marry for love..and then there u come accross some one so very special who brings out the best in u..something u have always dreamt of..is it wrong to feel such feeling for such a man??
| By annie on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 03:30 am: |
to neelam, my god girl! you cheat on your husband and u give your full name on this board. is that your real name. shame on you do u know how many people read these boards.? does your husband not care or u think he would not care.Big difference!other post is right u are bringng shame on ur family. dont generalize sayin "most men cheat." thats not an excuse.and another thing: to seekwar, you sad neelam was married to her first cousin , you must know her then??oh! i never heard myth that pujabi have big ••••• !! lol well hindus seem to have big enough one for me . (hubby)
| By ANswerMan on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 02:34 pm: |
Neelam:
I think you made a comment without predicting the kind of response you will get in this discussion room. I really sympathsize with you getting this awkward responses from everybody.
I personally feel that it is your business what you do with your life and obviously if your husband is part of your actions then you are not betraying anyone.
But, it is important that you act in a society and culture the way you are expected to or otherwise cut yourself out of it. Our society does not condone this kinda behaviour so you should either stop being part of it or stay discreet about it. It is healthy for you as well as society which is striving to survive on morals.
| By Jat Punjabi on Friday, August 20, 1999 - 02:16 am: |
Everyone,
Please, don't get so excited about Neelam. She is a fake person. Neelam isn't her real name. She comes under many different names and makes up a lot of stuff. Ask Editor.
| By Mark-y on Tuesday, August 31, 1999 - 10:10 pm: |
Punishment for extra-marital sex might be Harsh in Musim countries (like Pakistan)....but India isn't far off......I guess you need to see what's going on in your backyard before venturing off into other cultures.....but then again......thinking about the past...India is known for that....sticking their BUTTS into other peoples business.
MARK
| By Princess on Wednesday, September 01, 1999 - 07:43 pm: |
Mark-y,
What is your point and what are you referring to? Facts please.
| By Anonymous on Sunday, September 05, 1999 - 01:06 am: |
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? MAYBE YOU ARE ROBOTS. WHERE
DO YOU GET OFF JUDGING OTHERS. GET ON WITH YOUR
LIVES. WHERE ARE ALL OF THE REAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE
LIVED REAL LIVES? SPEAK TO ME.
HUMAN
| By Sincerely... on Sunday, September 05, 1999 - 06:47 am: |
Hi Human,
Sorry, can't speak to you now, too busy with my real life... mabey later! ;O)
Take Care,
Sincerely...
| By Anonymous on Monday, September 06, 1999 - 07:11 am: |
There are many married women in India wanting to have sexual affairs with young men . Many are married to business men. India is changing fast.Wife swapping is also common. See classified advertisement (hotmail) for that. Indian women are no less than their American counterparts.
| By peachy on Friday, September 10, 1999 - 06:50 pm: |
Anonymous - Sept 5th
You are absolutely right - women in India are no different than women here in the U.S. The only difference is that in India, such behaviours are not openly discussed. Everything there happens behind closed doors. I have heard of women in India (in the villages) who have sexual relationships with their father-in-laws, brother-in-laws, uncles, husbands friends....you name it - and it happens in India.
The way I look at it people in India are hypocrites. They will say one thing, but if we were to find out what goes on behind the closed doors of their homes, then we would definately be in for a shock.
I think that people who live in India need to one of 2 things - either they practice what they preach....or they stop preaching! There's no sense in them walking around like saints when we all know what they do given the opportunity.
Mind you, in this posting, I have talked of women specifically....but I think the same applies to men as well.
Do you people agree with me?
Wouldn't it be better if indian women can portray their real self instead of always pretending to be "sita" all the time?!!!
| By Princess on Friday, September 10, 1999 - 10:12 pm: |
Peachy,
Sure what you say makes sense but why are you so angry at women? Do you forget who those women are having these affairs with? And why so light on men? Do you think women actually go out hunting for men to have affairs with more then men? And who do you think perpetuates and pushes the concept of "sita"? Men do! Incase you didn't know. So what you says applies either ways equally. Don't shift the weight on one gender more then the other. Though you are generalizing a lot and implying that everyone in the Indian society is a hypocrite and has loose morals. Sure there is a level of hypocracy. But then again show me a culture on this earth that there isn't hypocracy in :-)
Food for thought.
| By Anonymous on Sunday, September 26, 1999 - 02:12 pm: |
Husband and wife are meant to each other. When one hold the others hand, it means both agreed to go through the life together no matter what happens. If extra affair is ok, then why should one get married and have kids. How sure can one says that the kids belongs to the couples. If sexuall life is unsatisfied, sit down and talk. That is husband and wife. And that is married life. Cheating one another is not married life.
| By FunLover on Monday, September 27, 1999 - 09:45 pm: |
Ok guys and gals,
I am in a voyeuristic mood. How many of you have committed adultery? Cheated on your spouses or slept with a married person? I have some stories to tell. If you tell your story I shall tell you mine! Your identity will be kept a secret!
| By Lover_boy on Tuesday, October 19, 1999 - 08:45 pm: |
I had an affair with a married woman when was in a college. Her husband was in India at that time waiting for his immigration visa. Oh body, I had the time of my life with her. She was gorgeous,very very sexy and always horney! I personally don't think there is anything wrong with affair. After all,this is one life to live. I still dream about her and look forward to seeing her again in my life for another passionate encounter...
Lover_Boy
| By Bhima Patel on Friday, October 29, 1999 - 11:24 am: |
Lover boy,
What if her husband found out? You know some guys wouldn't just let it go. When you least expect it some guy could come get violent or kill you or even worse butcher your genitals.
| By Stand up on Friday, October 29, 1999 - 10:03 pm: |
Bhima,
Good to see that you have moved on... but only 2 sentence for such a harsh... crime of heart??
| By Bhima Patel on Monday, November 01, 1999 - 05:46 am: |
Stand up. What is done is done. The guy did not find out about his wife cheating and hopefully the marriage didn't fall apart. It really pisses me off when divorce is done with kids in the picture. Anyway stand-up I thought you were going to ignore my posts and continue on your quest to be a whore to your community and find a non-Hindusthani guy to marry?
| By Anonymous on Wednesday, November 03, 1999 - 05:00 am: |
Anon
Hit on any search engine,say, Yahoo and search for "adult+swinging". Usually around the world there are "swinging" clubs. For the uninitiated there are books too. Hope this helps.
| By Just Joined on Tuesday, November 09, 1999 - 01:30 pm: |
Hi Everyone,
I am new to this forum, just moved in today... I found these discussions very interesting, eventhough some of them are just individual opinions of the person posting it and they can never be taken seriously.
Continuing on what was said ealier by everyone, let us all accept that there are many things happening in the world which are proven to be wrong. Murder, Rape, Robbery, etc., are all crimes and punishable under any law but you still hear these happening every day all through the world. Similarly, even if we discuss for years and years and finally agree that adultery is wrong (which in my opinion IS WRONG) it will still continue to happen.
Some questions to all those who encourage or indulge in extra-marital affairs (say like Neelam or Lover_Boy):
What would be reaction your if you discovered that one of your parents (father or mother) was having an affair and that you are the result (if you know what I mean) of such affair?????
Or what would your reaction be if you come home one day and find your spouse going at it with someone else?????
What would your answer to your children be if they raise such a question to you???????
If you encounter any one of those - do you still stick to your way of thinking????
I don't know if I was harsh or if I am using the right language for such discussions, but I am just curious to learn....
Best regards,
| By Looking4Fun on Wednesday, November 24, 1999 - 08:49 pm: |
Mr./Ms. Funlover
I am not sure about sex, that is why used slash.
Anyway, there are many stories? I have not heard of any successful post marrital affairs. Like to know some details.
| By Stand up on Saturday, November 27, 1999 - 09:04 am: |
Looking4Fun,
You seem to be confused... Go to some porno websites...You seem to be a misguided individual who is looking for love in all the wrong places.
| By Coiler on Monday, January 24, 2000 - 11:21 pm: |
I have been having an affair with a married woman whom I happen to love deeply .Now her husband has found out and threatens to sue me. I need some advice on the law about extra-marital affairs.Could someone help?
| By Neelu on Thursday, February 24, 2000 - 02:46 am: |
Hello,
I am new in this posting.
If someone could advice me if I falls right in this catagory.
I am seeking some advice what to do, if I finds out my wife has been emotionally or whichever way raped by her real father after her mother died.
Thanks
| By dr D on Saturday, May 20, 2000 - 02:22 pm: |
dr D,
going through various opinions i feel because of our upbbringing which never allowed us to get scientific basis of normal and variant forms of sex ,we have chosen to have limited views about sex.now,various forms of sex between a couple or two consenting adults is perfectly normal.we should stop giving morality lectures to each and everyone.once the initial hype of sex goes down with maturity most of us can sensibly decide what form of sex is good for oneself and the partner.sex is an important ingradient of life and people can enrich their personal lives by even practicing tantra.let each of us enjoy safe sex not at the cost of but with genuine love with a partner.enjoy and enrich your lives with healthier and safe sex practices.
| By Anonymous on Sunday, June 04, 2000 - 11:26 pm: |
hi
we are a BM couple from North India, want to join girl, couple, (Gay excuse)
Mail us
neelu_rahul@yahoo.com
| By Nance on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 07:39 pm: |
Hello,
My husband began an affair with a former co-
worker seven months ago. I told him we should
divorce several times but each time he said he
would sort things out - by that he means he will
bury his feelings toward that woman and start a
new life with me. Then I found out he has not
done it. Every time I take his words again and
give him yet another chance. I don't know what to
do. I cannot imagine life without him but I just
cannot get over the fact that he has sex with
another woman. I thought of commitng suicide
and he felt it. I am afraid that he keeps making
promises to me because he pitys me.
Nance
| By Siraaj on Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 03:37 pm: |
I am new to this message board. when I was going though the messages, I came across a message posted by "Princess" about what is happening in the middle eastern countries. I live at the present in one of these countries and I do know waht is going on over there. Your generalization on the punishment for crime such as adultry , fornication and rape or other form of extramarital relationship is completely wrong. The husband is not given any right to kill his wife or the wife is not any right to kill his husband under Islamic Law. Islamic Judicial system is based on the Commandment of God given in the Holy Qur'an and our Prophet's ( peace be upon him)traditions. Punishment for rape or audulty is stoning to death either sexes after proofing beyond doubt by four witnesses. Punishment for the fornication by unmarried persons is 100 lashes to each person. The witnesses should have seen the act of intercourse itself by their own eyse. This condition is very very hard to proof. Therefore, cases of audultry is very rare to be procecuted. If a husband or wife takes the law in his/her hand after seeing his/her pouse committing audultry in his /her house, due to emotional stress, he/she may indulge in harming his/her partner or even kill. This is also punishable by the law for killing and taking the law in his/her own hands.
Also, marrying upto four wives are legal but it only common to find monogamy in most of the marriages. Plygamy is very rarely practised. There are strict conditions for it. If the husband has no economical means or physical strength ot satisfy the wives, the wife can go the the Sharia court and get divorce from him and marry another man. She does not need to prove any thing. The court will collect the Maher from her and give it back to the husband. The divorce is called 'Khula' as it is intiated from wife side.
I hope that I explain enough for the comments of Princess. If you still argue that Islamic Law treat the women unfairly, I challenge you that I can bring you more evidences to prove you otherwise. Take care.
Siraaj
| By shyam on Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 07:01 pm: |
Hi Everbody,
I think all of you are becoming quite judgemental.There are MANY marriages that kill a indivisual's free spirit.these people are unfortunate and they don't have much choice in their life.societies force upon them a lot of moral code that may be glue for society but for many persons it is a compromise.
Marrieges never existed in god's action plan, but sex was.
We asked for marriages for social glue.But in that we compromised many indivisuals who feel suffocated by either wrong marriages or by nature of it.They were for giving children a stable upbringing.
We are trapped actually, when one partner goes for extra-martial affair and second doesn't.Second partner is bound to feel betrayed.
why we pass judgement on these people's life or on their act.
He/she would be the last person to make his/her partner feel bertrayed.People act on impulses and their actions become their experience and then it becomes wisdom.What holds true at one time doesn't at other times.
How many times you have seen world as consistent place or felt comfortable with your view of world ?
So, this board is to share the experiences and let everyone feel easy rather than issuing judgement.
We should respect everyone's needs otherwise this board becomes a site for idealists.
I have liked Princess's opinions to be most valid , in fact she(i presume) never had any opinions , she just is taking a humane view of things and sharing rather than passing words of self-declared wisdom.
| By Anonymous on Wednesday, November 01, 2000 - 07:55 pm: |
Hi Everybody ,
Can anybody please tell me what is 'Adult swinging' ?
I have heard there are clbs for it ?
waiting!
| By john on Monday, November 06, 2000 - 06:59 am: |
i found out that my wife was having an affair with aguy she met at aclub and we talked about it and i found that iwas quite aroused at her confession so i encouraged her soon this guy introduced her to his friends and they there friends so she now sees alot of guys she particularly likes having 5 or more guys at once it turns her on to see them lined up waiting for there turn because of the frequency of sex she has stopped using any protection and now wants to get pregnant i agreed to this after we talked and she will allow me to watch and join in
| By shyam on Tuesday, November 07, 2000 - 01:05 pm: |
John , There is no limit how far you can go.Have fun!
| By Asha on Friday, December 08, 2000 - 07:01 am: |
Hi Everyone,
I want to hear of your reasons for have sex outside the marriage. I am an unhappy married woman with a lousy sex life. I am attracted to many a men, but not to my husband. Should I actually give in to temptation? Or should I just live life in this terrible state. I have had several opportunities while travelling, but did not take them up.
Any thoughts?
| By Asha on Friday, December 08, 2000 - 07:01 am: |
Hi Everyone,
I want to hear of your reasons for have sex outside the marriage. I am an unhappy married woman with a lousy sex life. I am attracted to many a men, but not to my husband. Should I actually give in to temptation? Or should I just live life in this terrible state. I have had several opportunities while travelling, but did not take them up.
Any thoughts?
| By Anonymous on Friday, December 08, 2000 - 08:15 pm: |
Asha, Please see the other post from folks like NP, Shyama and Dude, who have successfully managed to satisfy their needs outside of their marriage. Bottom line is you should judge for yourself, on what you might lose, and weigh that against what you may gain. You need to find a man who is discrete enough, perhaps someone unhappily married to his wife and finds you attractive. Eventually, discretion will break and that's when you have to consider what you may lose. Are you prepared to break up with your husband? Are you prepared for any social fallout? You need to be your own judge.
| By Dary on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 08:15 pm: |
Asha,
Does your husband know the way you feel? Are you both prepared to perhaps seek some "assistance" if necessary?
Only you know your true circumstances and only are you are able to judge on what you should do.
IMHO before embarking on some possibly doomed enterprise.. you should do your absolutely best in trying to get what you want out of your marriage.
Perhaps it's more than sex you're not happy about - what about leaving him?
Will your concience be able to take deception? Why not live a life of truth and not hurt anyone in the process??
As I said, these are hypothetical questions - not personal ones as such. Only you know yourself and your situation.
I wish you all the best.
Dary :)
| By Content on Saturday, December 16, 2000 - 06:28 am: |
Asha...
What happens after the passion runs out with the other man?
Will you write another post and ask for advice,or will stop and think about the impact it will have on all the parties concerned.
I have been married for 17 yrs,and our passion ran out of gas 10 yrs ago,but i moved on and created other passions,my children and music.I wont lie,i still have urges and offers of sex but my subconscious
is strong enough that i think of my children and the example i wish to preach to them.
Me and my wife still love each other,we have no issues,but the passion is gone,a woman would have to fall naked into my bed for me to be lured,but i will not go out looking and avoid circumstances that would put me in a temptive situation.
I have thought out all the possible scenarios and came to a conclusion,that my family and sanity and dignity are worth more.SIGH.
Just a thought.
| By AR on Saturday, December 30, 2000 - 04:02 am: |
Asha,
I'm a woman who has been married for over 15 years, and I think over the past 10 years, me and my husband have had sex for perhaps four or five times only. I have two kids and I'm very happy attending to their needs. I feel absolutely fulfilled without the sex part either from my husband or from anyone else. It's not that I do not enjoy it, but we both feel we can go on without it and enjoy other passions in life. He and I have a relationship that seems to be focused on our children, our careers and just getting through life. I do not feel "terrible" at all, about missing that part.
Can you elaborate why you feel you are in a terrible state, without the sex part? Can you feel passionate about other pursuits in life? Why do you feel your life is incomplete without it?
| By Acharya Mdhurananda on Sunday, January 07, 2001 - 01:19 pm: |
Kama,krodha,lobha,moha are the tempramental variations of mind. Sex/kama, Love/moha are taken as essential needs by weak mindeds. All of you must try to rise above the physical plane of body and see the stength of yours before succumbing to the physical needs.
Before blaming the other for not doing the right to you, you must also try to see the point of view of others aswell,may be you would find the answer.
| By zafar on Sunday, February 04, 2001 - 07:32 am: |
hay, every one who can help me
i have got married 12 Yrs before, we got childern.but me and my wife never enjoy sex
from side i have timming problem , i mean i loose my self with in two min
some time by tricks i increase my time up to four min but wife even than could not enjoy it
what we should do?pls suggest me.
| By Andrea on Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 10:51 pm: |
An friend of mine recently had a rather disturbing experience with an Indian man living in Miami and I'm hoping someone will try to help me understand if this is a trend with men from India?
My friend is a very sweet, charismatic, pretty professional who was basically lied to and used during a relationship with a Mark D'sa who is originally from Mangalore.
Not only did he break her heart and spirit while taking her virginity but he was,as we say in the US, the type that would "kiss and tell". It turned out this man is married with his wife in India. He is so unscrupulous and sly that it's near impossible to tell when he speaks the truth and when he lies.
What kind of person plays on the emotions of decent girls while cheating on his wife. I would sincerely hope this is not a typical behavior of Indian men. I've always held people from India in high esteem, however now I am not sure what to think.
| By rathindra on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 06:25 pm: |
I know my wife very well. She is pure in mind.Not so in body. Sometimes she have bad experience in buses or in trains from the male perverts. She very frankly tell the incidents to me. I feel very sad and pray to God that it never happen again. I myself is not a very pure(?) soul. So, God doesn't always listen to me.However only her upper portions have been made impure. I use the word 'impure'(?) as is uttered in male-chauvinistic world. I do not feel anyhow that any man or woman can at all be impure to the slightest extent. Everybody is divine to the fullest extent. We are not human beings having spititual experience; we are spiritual beings having human experience. Neither Clinton or Monika Lewinsky can be blamed. It's all sex, a beautiful creation by God.
| By SoulForLove on Friday, March 30, 2001 - 03:36 am: |
Asha,
Better inform your husband of your needs and seek some counselling. If it fails, suggest to you husband the needs you have and ask him if he could arrange for some gratification of your desires. If he resists, you have a point in seeking solace in a relationship outside marriage.
SoulForLove
| By kumar32m on Tuesday, April 17, 2001 - 08:22 am: |
hi
Discreet Extramarital affair is to relieve once pain and agony in sexual feelings in order to lead a normal life daily. I am a tall/m/32/single/T.Nagar,Chennai having extramarital relationship with educated married women having social status. Their argument is they want their hubbies for social security but want me to relive. Around 60% of our married women are not happy with their hubbys but live in agony becasue of the pretentious Tamil Society. Any educated lady can contact me at kumar32m@yahoo.com
| By murty on Friday, May 04, 2001 - 07:02 pm: |
WANTED TO MAKE LONG RELATION SHIP WITH KIND HEARTED FEMALE.PREFERED WIDOW . I AM AN ENGINEER AT HYDERABAD IN INDIA.
| By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 13, 2001 - 01:29 am: |
Hi,
I saw all the messages related to adultery and stuff. I have been married for 8 years but I have never and will never be insincere to my husband. But before my marriage I was used by one person who was married. I struggled and eventually got away from him. I have no longer any connections with him and will never have any in the future. This fact I confided with my husband before we started our life together, however it seems it will always stand in the way of trust when we have normal differences of opinion. It troubles me... Please share your views
Anonymous
| By dilenger on Sunday, July 01, 2001 - 04:35 pm: |
ok, so this message isn't absolutely on the same topic. my problem is this, i was virtually brought up by an indian family although i'm white,english. i have never really had a relationship with an indian girl but would love for that to happen. is it completely un-acceptable .. that's my first question. the problem is trying to meet an indian women, by the way, i'm 33 years old. where do i meet them, what do i say, how do i show that i'm interested ?
if anyone has any advice for me then you are welcome to e-mail me. webmaster@dilenger.org
| By sathyan on Friday, August 24, 2001 - 08:17 pm: |
me a broad minded, educated, healthy businessman looking for a companionship from any lonely woman for mutual fun and fantasy. please contact me
thanks
| By anshuman on Sunday, September 02, 2001 - 09:45 am: |
dear indian ladies,
i m 24/m/india(calcutta) if u r looking for any one for intimate relationship then please mail me at anshuman101@rediffmail.com
anshu
| By Vipul-UK on Monday, September 03, 2001 - 02:59 am: |
Asha,
I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, and she has been married for 3years.
She had sex with her husband on their wedding night, the night that they both first met, and never since.
Im Indian and she Pakistani, and although at first reserved about things such as sex and intimacy, she has opened herself up sexually in so many ways and now feels that i have liberated her, and made her realise what she was craving for in a relationship after love.
She is now more frank and open about her needs then even i am, and i love and respect her for it.
But that does not mean that i would not cheat on her......
Think about it.....
| By Anonymous on Thursday, September 06, 2001 - 12:04 pm: |
Am m/34/chennai, my wife left me in just 2 months of our married life as she was having pe-marital affairs with someone. At the same time, she does not want to leave me as such she wanted to my wife for the protection sake in the society. So last three years am alone. I submitted my petition to the court and the court (and myself also ) could not get trace her to deliver the notice. For the last notice her advocate applied that they will proceed the case.
Now my question is shall I marry again registered or unregistered and live my life happily. She is not interested in coming back to me as well as she does not want to get divorce also. Moreover, she wanted to take revenge on me since I approached court for divorce.
If I marry again, will this be comes under adultry. If so, what legal implication will have to be faced by me.
If any widow with no issue or anyone wanna companion, please call me back at my email priyaas@hotmail.com
| By Anonymous on Monday, October 01, 2001 - 05:09 am: |
How horrible is it to even think of punishing an adulterer? It is none of anybody's business if a man or woman become unfaithful to thier partner! It ONLY involves them! How can you justify punishing somebody according to your own sense of morality? You live your life the way you want to, you have no right to tell another person it is wrong to commit adultery. Surprise surprise, I am very disgusted by adulterers, and fnd it stupid. But it is their body, as long as they are not hurting another person, and if they are hurting their partner, the partner should be a man or woman and be strong enough to leave. sorry half finished thoughts........
| By punjaban on Tuesday, October 09, 2001 - 06:05 pm: |
It is not right that you can't tell anybody if they are doing something wrong. I think adulterer are more experienced with their life so they can teach someone else that what is wrong.
take care