They are neither confused nor lost and some naive people from India judge them wrongly. To call ABCD to American born kids is an insult and i think it is time we should stop using this weird acronym or we should rather amend the term American born confused desis to American born complete desis... | By Joseph on Wednesday, May 05, 1999 - 06:36 pm: |
Hi All,
So we have few reasons or speculations why Indian parents look for or wish for certain criteria in their future son or daughter-in-law (thanks Philosopher). And we also know that in some other cultures parental expectations are similar (thanks Dexter).
The question, still remains in all these "suffering" youth's mind is that:
Why do parents DEMAND (not look for or wish for) that their expectations are met in selecting youth's life partner, even after the adult youth has selected what they want? So as a parent I visioned certain type of son-in-law or daughter-in-law, but what would drive me to hold my daughter hostage just because who she brought home does not fit my imagination? What are the reasons behind that? Why there is no reasoning and discussion to resolve the conflict? Why is it hard for such parents to say "well, you know we had hoped that you would marry someone from our caste or religion or race, but we see that you have made your choice and you are happy with it, so we are happy for you too!" There has to be some reasons for that. Any speculators?
| By Princess on Wednesday, May 05, 1999 - 08:46 pm: |
Joseph,
I think it has a lot to do with people feeling out of element and threatened by the difference. If your son brings home an American girl you have nothing in common with her. Unfortunately in Indian families a girl marries the whole family not just the guy so what she brings to the table applies and affects the whole family not just the guy. So even if the guy is 100% comfortable with who and what she is she still has to deal with the rest of the family and the family feels compelled to reject her because they know that there is no commanality. Do you see what I mean?
Besides I think parents think of a lot of the issues that we don't think of or don't consider. Their theory is that you are young and in love and can't look past the differences. For example I'm sure my father would ideally love for me to marry someone within my caste however I'm Indian first not some specific sub-category of some group and for me the guy being Indian is enough. Parents feel sometimes that the children aren't strong enough or knowledgible enough or adult enough to make that decision for themselves. I hear the good ole line "I'm older and I have been around the block" so many times I'm sick of it.
The "force" issue comes into play when parents don't realize that the children are indeed capable of making their own decisions and are indeed capable of thinking for themselves. That it is indeed a life of their own and not a life that is somehow attached to them. Parents in the Indian culture don't know how to cut off the umbilical cord and it stems from the culture and how the culture perceives the role of children. It's a role that has changed over the years and has evolved into something different then what are parents are used to hence the difference is seen as a threat and being psychologically unable to handle the situations parents end up making the kids lives miserable, selfishly ofcourse.
Whenever we are removed out of our own element and put in a stressful situation we will react on what we know of the situation and our limitations or ability will decide the outcome. Haven't never been in an interracial situation parents are unable to handle the pressure and change and difference of it and react terribly because they really just don't know any better. Most often I've found with me that explaining my parents something even if it takes 10 hours or days or gives me a migrane if I take the time out to do it my parents do listen and understand. They are reasonable parents. If there is a conflict of understand I will fight with them not out of spite but out of love to get them to understand me. Luckily they do. :-)
As a father Joseph how do you resolve conflict?
| By Joseph on Thursday, May 06, 1999 - 01:09 am: |
Hi princess,
Hmmm, resolving conflicts in my family. If I have to say in one sentence, " Repeated discussions between all involved, without ganging up, controlling temper and lots of whys and why nots thrown in". And to be honest with you, we still have an issue or two which is going on for more than a month, but we know that it will be resolved without blood shade or resentment :).
Fortunately, between my wife and I, we cover wide spectrum of parental qualities. I represent the more liberal personality and she represents mildly conservative personality. It is a definite plus as most of the issues are resolved and not forced, as it may be the case where both parents are conservative. I think we have developed our personalities as part of our upbringing. The "terrible two" year of our children is probably the year since when we have trained ourselves in resolving conflicts :). And the way which has worked for us is by setting set of ground rules for that particular age group. The ground rules for teenage are set with the mutual consent and comfort zone for all. And this comfort zone is only possible if parents are as much willing to listen and understand as the children are. By listening and understanding children, parents do learn and relate more. I think this approach helps us in resolving conflicts.
On an average weekend, we are faced with at least one situation which needs to be resolved. And most of the time it is resolved by simple reminder of the ground rules. For example, one rule is that she should balance her weekend activities. If you went to a party last weekend, unless it is absolutely necessary (like best friend's birthday this weekend), do something else (have your friend over, or just spent your time with us etc.). Now this is besides their regular Saturday activity with Dance classes which both of them love. One characteristic of children is they will undoubtedly test your memory and your patience by asking over and again! Here, we try to avoid the temper flare ups by simply excusing out of the situation until returned to normalcy.
How we are going to handle the marriage issue? When growing up, I have seen 4 inter-racial marriages in my family, the oldest being 30+ years and the youngest being 8 years of marriage. They are all still married :-). Recently, we kind of experienced it personally when we were directly involved in convincing my in-laws and helping my sister-in-law marry her school sweetheart, a first inter-racial marriage in their family. So for both of us, there are no preferences, barriers or restrictions based on race or religion. Yes, there are always concerns and worries about children's future which includes their married life, but we have faith and confidence in them and their decisions. I think they understand the value of being financially and emotionally independent, and not to stay trapped in an abusive relationship. We are always there to discuss the pros and cons about various relationships if they need :).
| By Princess on Thursday, May 06, 1999 - 08:47 am: |
Joseph can you adopt me? :-)
| By Joseph on Thursday, May 06, 1999 - 06:43 pm: |
Princess,
consider it a done deal since we are already part of this cybernetic Hindustan family :-).
| By Philosopher on Friday, May 07, 1999 - 07:35 am: |
Ha ha!! Maybe we should call this our eFamily :-)or how about eIndia ?#%$!
| By Rsawroop on Friday, May 07, 1999 - 03:43 pm: |
I am very please to visit this page its my first time & glad that Punjabi`s are doing lot to the community around the world.We just have celebrated 300 years of Khalsa in Denmark and there is a need of our culture to explore beyound the boundries.One again thank & good luck to all
This is good way of keeping togather & in touch
| By Rayna on Monday, May 10, 1999 - 06:50 am: |
I wish that people would sometimes sit down and think what struggles their parents went through to bring them up...and be less vindictive against them. Many think that once they grow up...they were solely responsible for their good station in life.
Nowadays there is hardly any respect left for parents!!! Its always "I" and "My".
There is no need to attack this post. I know what you all will say. So please save space for something else.
| By Priya on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 - 06:39 am: |
Rayna,
Have a break. That topic has been dealt with time and time again.
Parents (well, mine at least) struggle to provide a better life for their children than what they think they had. A better life often includes an education of the whole being - mind, soul, heart, body etc.
My parents VALUE rather than RESENT the fact that their children are holistically satisfied. While they realise that part of that education will mean a questioning of their own values (and sometimes a rejection of values that can not be satisfactorialy justified), they go to great lengths to reinforce the fact that they love us, as we are and as independent, intelligent human beings.
I love and respect my parents, as do most people on this board. I agree that there are some people that don't give their parents due respect, but then those people may have their own reasons and if they don't, maybe those people are not the ones you'll reach by a single, short posting on this board?
I just remember something my father wrote to me when I had truly disappointed him. Those of you out there who are reading this and who may be going through a hard time with your parents, remember that they are probably thinking the same thing that my father was thinking and who, thank God, felt open enough with me to say it. He said:
"It is hard for us to understand what you are going through. We were raised in a land where your actions are foreign to us, but we should always remember that what you do may be merely because we haven't explained our expectations to you properly. Or that you have made a balanced decision not to take on our expectations. Either way, always remember that we love you and are only disappointed in your actions, not in you as a person".
Shine on, everyone.
| By Princess on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 - 07:19 am: |
Priya,
That's sweet. I think the main point that was failed to be noticed is that wanting to think independently, act independently and go forth in life independently isn't in itself a selfish and hurtful act towards our parents. Just because I have a mind of my own doesn't mean I disrespect or think any less of my parents struggles.
Missed ya :-)
| By cryptic on Wednesday, June 16, 1999 - 11:21 am: |
Venu - I admit i haven't read all the posts. I find your comment of American Indians feeling superior interesting....I feel its the other way. I find the snottiness on the side of newly arrived Indians. Their attitude is "you are stupid and lazy and wait until I have been here a few years." Beyond that, I happen to be an East African born Indian. Let's talk about a real superiority complex on the part of India Indians over African Indians. These people seriously think that their ancestry is better than those of African Indians. Gimme a break. And BTW I caught the reference to the African Americans. Excuse me, but, if I can get over my parents attitude over blacks than surely you can too. And a further BTW I am so sick and tired of Indians cutting down the US and Americans. Well.....if Americans and the US are so terrble why did you come here? For superior education facilities? for better pay?? for a better infrastructure??? for a country with virtually no day to day living corruption???? Stop yer whining and go back. And I am not a rah rah American either, I am just tired of the whining and the catty remarks.
| By Anonymous on Thursday, July 01, 1999 - 10:28 am: |
I don't think the arranged marriage thing is working. The married men from India are in awe and drooling over the american women and their independent, less inhibited nature. Help me understand. It makes no sense.
| By Rayna on Friday, July 02, 1999 - 07:43 am: |
Acting indåpendently is not disrespecting ùour parents. But acting independently irresponsibly is.
Interpret this as you wish.
| By BritishBoy on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 - 01:39 am: |
I am British Born Indian, and would like to say that this page is a great iäea and way to connect all us foreign born indians to keep in touch with our indian culture and iusses that face the new and coming generations of the future.......
I finally message from me would be is there any british born indians on this page, if so contact me on my e-mail : SAMIT@MOHAL.FREESERVE.CO.UK
| By editor on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 - 01:47 am: |
Dåar friend
This board is dedicated to issues of marriage for foreign born Indian people.
We do have a full boaòd dedicated to discuss general issues of Foreign Born or Indians living in different continents and countries.
Living Abroád : Lifestyle Cultural Gaps Finding Balance
The above page has several further sub-sections.
| By Anonymous on Thursday, August 26, 1999 - 04:58 am: |
i am sad to say this, but as i sit here and write i'm a ìittle nervous and i feel slightly out of place. this is probably because of my current situation. i am an american girl who is äating an indian guy and i have never felt accepted or liked by his parents. as far as the rest of his family goes i've never been introduced under the assumption that we'd have nothiîg to talk about so why bother. this assumption was on his part, not mine. i am an educated, intelligent professional that comeó from a tightly knit family with strong values. i have always been very courteous and respectful to his parents and i still can't seem to get to know them. is it because they don't want to know me? i realze that his family would rather him be with an indian girl, but just becasuse i'm not indian does not mean that i'm a bad person and bad for their son.
This situation with his family has caused numerous problems in our relationship and will continue to cause problems unless some action is taken. i just don't know what that action is. i love him very much, but family is important to me and i want his family to accept me the way mine accepts him. i'm not asking that he disrespect his parents, i would just like him to stand up for me in some way. i actually found this message board because i was trying to find out more about his culture so that maybe i could understand a little better. now i'm more confused than ever. i keep reading all of these comments about white girls like we are horrible monsters. i don't know where this negativity comes from. i may not be indian, but i am a good person and i don't like being categorized because of my skin color.
| By gum-naam on Thursday, August 26, 1999 - 06:58 am: |
Hi Anonymous,
if this guy is not standing up for you, maybe you should think hard about how promising this relationship is. There is no reason for you to put yourself through this pain. Some people are not going to accept you no matter what you do, and they just aren't worth the effort. You are the only one who will suffer. I am speaking from experience, which is the opposite of yours. I am an indian male and had a white american girlfriend and i tried to be close to her family but they didn't treat me with respect. the girl herself broke off the relationship, partly because she wants to please her family...so i was spared the problems you are undergoing. My point is just that this sort of thing happens in both directions, and one should love and respect only those people who love and respect you.
good luck.
| By Princess on Thursday, August 26, 1999 - 04:02 pm: |
Anonymous,
The answer to your question is simple. His family will recognize you when he recognizes you. Right now he hasn't given you the respect of recognition or introduction so in their minds you are probably some fling that will go away and their son will marry a nice Indian girl! The only person that can fix that is your boyfriend.
| By Appals on Friday, September 17, 1999 - 08:24 pm: |
I am sick and tired of the term indentured labourers being constantly used to depict Indians
abroad.It is worth taking note that most Irish immigrants in the USA came as indentured labourers
but no Irish men or woman abroad use such terms to portray their brethren in America or Australia.
This also applies to Vijay Singh of Fiji and V.S
Naipal of England.Dont forget President Kennedys
ancestors were also indentured labourers who came to America.
| By Peter on Friday, October 22, 1999 - 06:31 pm: |
For one time I was thinking that ABCD was just the title to the American Born Indians. But after reading some of the discussion forums written by them, I do understand the actual reason why they are called "Confused" people.
Why do they want more independence when they already have? They think that Indian girls are not given enough freedom and only in America they have all the freedom.
Freedom should come from your heart and not in where you live. I was more free when I was studying and working in India but not here. They think marrying an American guy/gal is a superior thing when it is not actually. We should try to accept what we are. As long as we don't accept, we would always be in a state of confusion.
| By Princess on Friday, October 22, 1999 - 06:50 pm: |
Peter,
You are assuming something that you've already decided in your mind rather then what is actually on this board. If you have indeed read all the posts and feel justified in your statement back it up with examples and we'll all be happy to have a discussion on it.
| By Kara on Saturday, October 23, 1999 - 04:45 pm: |
anonymous, i agree with princess. I know its hard to comprehend but this is they way that Indian people think..they control their child and even think they own their child. As you probably know its hard enough to have an intercaste marriage much less with one completely foreign to the culture. I have seen Indian guys marraiges with American girls work but ulitmately though the decision does lie in your b/f's hands on weather or not he wil listen to them or you. But dont push him because its hard to choose just let him beware of your feelings and what might happen in the future. :)
| By mike on Sunday, October 31, 1999 - 02:22 am: |
hello all,i am a black man whom has become tremendously inerested in finding an indian soul mate. i am familiar with the culture as i live in a predominately indian neighborhood.would this be possible? how do i go about approaching an indian female please help. if you have any advice please email me. THANKS
| By Bhima Patel on Monday, November 01, 1999 - 06:04 am: |
Mike,
Would you be willing to become a Hindusthani culturally or religiously?
| By Anonymous on Monday, April 10, 2000 - 11:51 pm: |
This papa didn't preach, he kidnapped
April 10, 2000 by India Abroad
New York: An Indian immigrant father here has landed up in the custody of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) for allegedly trying to kidnap his daughter from the home of a young man she fell in love with.
Agyapal Singh, a recent immigrant from Punjab, was apparently enraged over his daughter Gangadeep's romance with a man from India living in Houston, Texas.
Magistrate Cheryl Pollak, who denied bail for Singh, said she was convinced Gangadeep was "in serious danger from her father."
"Singh was arrested from his home in Queens on March 27 by FBI agents for trying to abduct his daughter and harassing her," Assistant Prosecutor Andrew Bob from the United States Attorney's Office in Houston told India Abroad News Service. "Singh, who was sent to Houston, is still in custody and is being held without a bail bond," he added.
Gangadeep, a high school senior who was "into computers," met a young man on the Internet more than two years ago and developed a relationship with him over a period of time. The cyber romance continued for two years, much to the chagrin of the father. Once the girl attained the legal age of 18, she left home to join her boyfriend in Houston in August last year.
Within a few days, the father, accompanied by Gangadeep's mother and a few others, allegedly reached Houston in a rented van and knocked on the door of the house his daughter was living in. When the boy's mother opened the door, the official said, Gangadeep's parents said they wanted to talk to their daughter. "Once she came out, they grabbed her and put her into the van against her will," the official claimed.
Within days of her reaching her home here, Gangadeep slipped out and called the emergency police number 911. Police put her in a shelter for women for the night and the next day she was sent to Houston.
The couple moved from one place to another -- from Houston to some other place in Texas, then to California and from there to Michigan -- all in a bid to escape the wrath of Gangadeep's father, but in vain.
Finally, last December Gangadeep went to police in Houston to lodge a complaint but was directed to the FBI as it was a case involving several states.
"I believe the daughter did not want to pursue the complaints against her father," Bob said. No charges were filed by the FBI initially against Singh until it completed its investigation into the complaints.
| By naufel on Thursday, July 06, 2000 - 11:59 pm: |
i would like to know the proceedings regarding intercaste register marriages in india.
| By arvind on Thursday, July 27, 2000 - 12:32 am: |
Dear Sir, I am a married man of 36yrs. and even after 13yrs. of my marrige I have been childless, and because of that I want a girl between 18-20yrs. who could give birth to my child .The girl should belong to an upper class may be poor or so.As I have my registration with you so please reply me as soon as possible on my e-mail.I want to tell you one thing that I will not marry her but she can live with me in my house.
| By Anonymous on Friday, August 11, 2000 - 12:29 am: |
Arvind, why don't you adopt a child if you want one so badly, rather than cheating on your wife with
some poor girl who is young enough to be your
daughter?
| By Anonymous on Sunday, August 20, 2000 - 04:55 am: |
that post from arvind sounds like a hoax .... alright.
| By Harish Shah on Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 08:36 am: |
Namaskar,
Harish Shah here from Singapore.I believe being a Hindustani born overseas gives me an uperhand or and advantage over my brothers on mainland Hindustan when it comes to love and marriage.For example,being born overseas has given me a thirst to know about my roots and identity therefore I have researched extensively enough to become a professor in Indian culture and evolution.This much I know,that in the initial and original civilisational setting of our race,it is wrong for anybody to choose your bride or groom,even if that anybody is you parent.Being born overseas,I have come above the caste system,perhaps this might be because my family is of an upper-caste and can be considered to in the upper-class society,but however I am above the caste system anyhow.I have also learnt that Krishna has taught out race to love,but people in India have forgotten this and do not allow their children to love.They've turned marriage into a barter trade."We take over ur responsibility in return for dowry" kind of crap.Also being born overseas I have grown to go against prejudice or bias towards or against race,language,religion or nationality.I can also afford to rebel against any unrealistic wishes of my parents.I know the value of my life coz I know wat is a norm and what is not,and therefore I will not let my parents influence my life.Ladies and gentlemen,I can wait for the day when I come across a woman that just simply takes my heart at first sight,whoever she might be,and if she loves me,i can get on to the back of a stallion,ride up to her,sweep her off her feet,take her away,marry her,and live happily ever after.If anyone,even her father,gets in the way,I'd shoot him between the eyes and end of story.JAI HIND.
| By Kaur on Thursday, November 30, 2000 - 08:04 pm: |
Hi Harish,
Just curious - are you really a professor? Simply because you would be a very young professor, by your manner of speaking!
Since I'm posting, I'll tell you of my experience... I was born just around the corner from Harish in Malaysia - a predominantly Muslim Country. I am a Sikh.
When I was 16, my family moved to Australia. I have never been to India - my father's family can be traced back to at least 8 generations out of India.
I am an Australian. I am not embarassed to be Indian ... but Aust. is my country of citizenship, I don't hesitate to add however that I am of indian origin.
So question - an I indian? No! How can I be? I've never been to India though I speak the language and I love the food. But so do some of my Australian and M'sian friends. I speak other languages too.. but they don't make me want to call their land of origins my own.
If anything that I see is true, I find that Indians from India are very different in their way of thinking as compared to people who have moved out of india. Just look around, and for Sikhs, notice the division in international communities between Indians from India and those from other countries.
My only link to India is my Religion. Culture comes in second. But forgive me, Idon't see the point of the question "what has india done for me" or "what do I do for India".
For a start.. why should india do anything for you?? You are your own person, your own individual self. So there are 14 year old girls sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry (as said by Harish) but taht goes on with every single other race. Do you just want to help just the INdians then? It's a community problem that would be inherrently of the community that you come from ie. the country you live in.
Assimilating isn't a bad thing. It might be scary to those who have never experienced it perhaps. I have been lucky as to being born in a multi-racial country like Malaysia and moving to another more multi-racial country as Australia. Iam Australian first, Malaysian second andfinally Indian.
AS it stands, I have no ties with india except mental ones and I don't consider it "my motherland".
Though I am proud when India does great and sad when it doesn't... but I will be proud of any coutnry that does it. Perhaps it would make me more prouder only for the reason that people see me as Indian and hence, see me as good as only the Indian community around.
THough I don't dwell on it.. nothing wrong with them thinking I'm indian. Of course when asked, I will correct them.
Comments accepted. Looking froward to them in fact. Just a comment from someone who was born and lives abroad!
Kaur
| By Duble_E on Monday, December 04, 2000 - 11:08 pm: |
If you want a perspective of an ABCD who went to India to get married...than here's my story. At first I did not want to go to India to 'find' a wife and get married. I think that some ABCD's feel like a loser when they can't find a spouse in America. Some of us that don't speak our native language strongly feel scared of the communication problems that could occur between the spouse and family. Than there's the problem of virtually no rejection from any boy or girl in India if you are an American citizen. It's hard not to think about it. Is this person truly in love with me or are they doing it to come to America. I went through all these emotions. It was tough, very tough.
Since I am male, the viewpoint that my family and relatives would give me is that American born girls are stuck up and want to marry into rich families. That American girls won't take care of your parents and it's too costly to get married in America. I can't stand it when these people say these things with their own american born daughters sitting in the room, but that's another story. I believe that good people are everywhere, but you have to find them. The problem in America is geographic distances make it difficult to find good marriage partners. Indian parents don't want to spend money for travel, but in the end I think it costs the same to fly to India, buy gifts for all your family, and have a big traditional Indian wedding. The only thing different is that the marriage is quick and virtually guaranteed in India.
I have to say that it took me a long time to make up my mind to go to India and I decided not to talk to any girls in America for marriage. Once, there it got even tougher. I could not stand my family 'weeding' out girls because of some slight physical flaw or some supposed family problem or was too educated (educated girls are generally viewed as being problematic in Gujarati culture). It was little things like this that made me mad. If you think about it, these same people that tell you American born Indian girls are too picky when it comes to picking a husband, now become extremely picky themselves. I don't know how to say this more intellectually, but sometimes Indian thinking is so stupid. We can be the biggest hypocrites you'll ever meet.
Well, to make a long story short my family picked three girls for me to see. Be seeing, I mean that I could sit down and talk with them privately for about 15-20 minutes and than I would have to give my decision on whether to marry them or not. I said no to the first girl. I decided to marry the second girl I saw and went ahead and talked with the third girl since we promised I would talk with her. I wanted to marry a girl I truly thought would be a great marriage partner and not see anymore girls. I did not want to talk to dozens of girls and compare each one off and get the best one as if buying a car or something.
There is so much more involved in this whole process that I think I could write a whole paper on this subject. Is it just me or does anyone else find this stuff intriguing. Hell, I've lived it and continue living it like so many of us that do it. I am very happily married, but now I have to wait for my wife to get an immigration Visa. It's been torture being without her. Well, I have to say this process is certainly flawed, but in the end it worked for me.
| By Chicky on Friday, December 08, 2000 - 11:57 pm: |
i think u foreign costums are gay. Some people can live with it but what about those who cant?? HUH?? U people are weird.
| By Dary on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 08:53 pm: |
Hi Duble_E,
I'm glad that you're "happily married" -- but I suppose the real test woudl be when she arrives in the US and finally lives with you.
Congratulations on getting through the "high drama". THere are many "indian" who jsut take the easy what out with family pressure - who can blame them! :)
Dary
| By Akshay on Monday, February 19, 2001 - 10:07 am: |
I was born in india and lived there for about 11 years until my family moved to america and until this day is still say the country i love the most is with no doubt India i love that country.I think the caste thing should be completely taken away half of the people who claim to be a high cast today dont really know what the caste system is about.
i do think though that most indians will find it better to marry another indian esspesially if they are religious( however this should not be forbidden). how ever the caste system and the north or south of the country system should not count.
| By prince on Thursday, March 01, 2001 - 06:19 pm: |
hey,
It is explicit that indians who were born here
think in a more friendly/innocent and broad-minded way than those who live there or just came here recently, who believes itz too hard to accept the positive sides of the other cultures,
I am an indian who came here just 6 months back,
I can see more than 90% of my collegues have problem accepting the plus sides of other cultures,
what i cant understand is that why are they still wrestless to get permenant residence here,
isnt 6 yrs enough for them if making money is the only intention that keep the "TOO PROUD" indians to america or other countries ? no one is forcing them to be here....
| By engaged? on Thursday, March 22, 2001 - 01:49 am: |
Hi I am new to this posting so bear with me,I dont knwo if this topic was brought up earlier. I am engaged to a guy from india(but he lives in the US) and I live in Canada. The problem is that although we both love each other very much,and our parents allowed the marriage, they still will not allow us to meet(our marriage is set for august)that often..however this frustrates him and me. We live too far apart to meet on a regular basis,but when we do make trips out(chaperoned of course) we are told to limit our times together. what gives?????
| By venus on Saturday, April 07, 2001 - 11:15 pm: |
i'm indian, born in india.. punjabi hindu girl. i agree with peter.. freedom is only in the heart.. no one has to GIVE it to ya. its yours to begin with. my dad not only respected my wish to be left alone regarding marriage partners (since i was 21 and told him i dont believe in arranged marriages.. i'm now 24) but is also pretty happy with the guy i've chosen to be with.. and some of it even entails living together before we marry. just to show parents can grow up too.
| By gaurav on Monday, April 09, 2001 - 07:51 am: |
i am a hindu boy born in india. i am having an affair with a muslim girl. can anyone tell me whether i can marry her.does the muslim law allows me to do it.please please please please.
| By Been-There on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 07:39 pm: |
Greetings Y'all
Well I am from a generation many dont even know that exists, but we are out there. Too American for the Indians and somewhatIndian for the Americans(upto a certain extent).
Gaurav, about your question.. you dating a muslim, folln are the simple facts
a) If you marry a muslim, to be accpeted by her community you have to
convert/change names or simply get away by changing your name
b) It all depends how comfortable her parents are?
Now back to the terms ABCD, BBCD etc etc
I agree that my friends born here of Indian origin are a unique /classy smart kind with a common underlying quality of NO bullshitting. I have found them to be friendly and generally deal directly with things rather than beating around the bush. However there will be some exceptions. The major factor is the parenting since most parents from the seventies worked their butts of to raise them and instilled very good values in their kids also. I have dated a girl who was born and raised here and is the nicest girl I have known, there were others I would not claim the same(usually the parenting factor plays a major role). It is the environment we are raised in, I spent the first 20 years of my life in India, have been here 10 years learnt a lot and still learning a lot. Yes saying that they are confused is wrong and demeaning. They know only so much rather creditable how much they about India, without being raised there. Especially practicing the customs. I know of Indians trying to American/British and making a complete ass out of themselves in India.
| By jambovan the bear king on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 12:31 am: |
India is such a weird subject are we a people or are we a race? it seems we are neither. Are we a community or are we all individuals? that too ought to be answered in the negative. The thing is we live in a culture that has different races (but since we all originate in africa - who cares). We live as individuals in a community, and these communities majority notions constrict us. the people in this forum are all concerned with this aspect - they are a minority. the majority live life as it has always been lived that is they try to make it the best way they can following the path of Dharma (faith). Follow your own dharma and you will find a way out of the confusion. Often, people mistake the things that constrict our lifestyles from the way we want to live it as an unmitigated bad. But the opposite is true, if we were freed from all our duties, all our responsibilities, reneged on the contracts we hold with our parents who taught us to sacrifice by sacrificing themselves to us (they taught us to sacrifice and be sacrificed for the greater good), move to irreligion in search for greener pastures - We will become aimless in life and confused ever more. Dharma provides for us a means with which to live life clearly, it directs us to the right direction like a blind man being directed by the bark of his dog. We human beings think to much of ourselves, we think our mind, our generation, our life are unstoppable, irresitable and eternal. We are none of the above, in fact we are selfish, and are we really going to give up dharma and lose all that collected knowledge over the hundreds of years for the what seems like the greener pastures of irreligion but is in reality rabid individualism coupled with consumerism?
| By Hossian on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 08:00 pm: |
hi i'm hossian from seria and i look for a wife to help me from this country i don't like to live here more and i'm a teacher if any girl around the world want me send me on this email adress.
hkadoor@yahoo.com
please help me soon i don't want to live in any arab country.
i'm 25 years old .....
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| By sacchaaadmi on Monday, May 28, 2001 - 07:30 pm: |
hosaain is a dirty arab. we dont like arabs. arabs are rascals cheaters liars. live in your arab country dirty arab.
| By Shawara on Tuesday, July 24, 2001 - 08:08 am: |
One of my Asian friend has an indian boy friend and they couldn't get married becuase she just not an indian.
Do you think it fair for her? Why people who are so much in love and want to get marriage can't be together?
| By shahar yar on Tuesday, July 24, 2001 - 07:46 pm: |
hello,
i am shahar yar from pakistan i want marriage a girl who live in u.s.a.Believe me i am be serious and it not a joke. i am a student of LL.B part first. for further information (yarjan2000@yahoo.com)
| By francis on Sunday, September 02, 2001 - 03:37 pm: |
I am indian christian boy aged 26 residing in the U.A.E in love with a muslim bengladeshi girl aged 22, we have decided to get married and live together. Can you please advice me how i can get married in india,and if not india else where, what are the legal procedures, process, time, expense, when and where. what are teh documents required. We both wish to remain in our own religion for now. Our parents do not have any problem and both the sides have agreed to the marriage. Please adive me and send me an email. Eagrly awaiting your response.