• Depressed........ January 11 - 02:59 am

Hi,

When I was 17 I met this girl(I will call her 'Kelly') and we started to go out. After a year her family moved away to a different country...it was real hard to see her go. We kept real close for about another year...but letters can only do so much. Well we always talked...just not as much. I began dating other people and after 2 years I got to see 'Kelly' again. We immediatley fell for each other..all those emotions I had for her came back and vice versa. Well I go see her about every 3 months...and we are real good. The way we connect is just so amazing...even our friends say that.

Now here is the problem: I am Sikh....she is Hindu.
Her parents reluctantly agree to us....my parents, well they would rather die than agree to it. This is the most saddest thing I can think of. On one side I have met the person of my life, that makes me the happiest person alive...on the other side I have my family whom I will always love. My relationship with my parents is good..its only when 'kelly' calls or gets brought up...everything turns to hell. Its been like this for the past 7 years.

I am so lost as to what to do....the funny thing is that 'kelly' is everything that my parents would want in a girl. Yet they havent even met her. She is the biggest part of my life and my family dont even give a damn. I am not about to leave her because of some stupid beliefs...but it just sucks.

I am now 24 and she is 21...I am still in school and so is she...I want to marry her but I cant...being a student doesnt give me alot of options..I will still be in school for another 2-3 years and I think that is too long to wait...I mean how long can she wait for me?..

I Apologise if this message was not to be placed here, I just dont know where else to vent.
If anyone has any suggestions I would like to hear them...I am so lost.

You can email me at contact_moi@mailcity.com

By chutki on Friday, December 08, 2000 - 02:55 pm:

hi,

i am trying to help an unfortunate child and her mother in india. her husband lives in dubai and left her with his parents and sister for them to use her as servent and torture. finally she left her inlaws place and started living with her sisters and brothers. last three yrs her husband never contacted her. now that she has filled for a divorce he is torturing her by claiming the child who is just 3 yrs old. could anybody suggest any appropriate law site or any organisation in bombay where this lady can seek help. can she have the court refuse the visiting right of father as the father lives in dubai and no way interested in them.

pls suggest

chutki_maiti@hotmail.com

By MONICA on Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 09:24 am:

Respected Sir/Madam

I have already posted my story in Dealing with Divorce and got reply from Princess, Basu and others and thanks for the same. In brief, I got married in India and landed in America, and within one week came to know that he is already married. Several differenes arose and I am back to India. I am stayng in India from April, 1999 and he is staying in CANADA from the same time, I applied for divorce through oneline and I got divorce from Canada, because we are separated from April, 1999 to till date. Now, I want to know whethere this is acceptable in INdia or not, I want to have some suggetions of some lawyers in Internet, Indian Lawyers, Please do help me. I got married in India (arranged marriage) and as per Indian law only. Is the divorce taken from Canada acceptable or not. please do help me

By pinky on Monday, October 23, 2000 - 04:22 am:

This is Pinky from Canada, but my mother land is India and I love it. I also want to help as much as I can. I want this country to be above others and make it a peaceful, sharing, and the most enjoyfull country.

Who ever reads this e-mail will you please e-mail me back and tell me what our presidents e- meil is.
thanx........

By abcd on Saturday, October 21, 2000 - 08:20 pm:

help!

i'm an abcd (simply the literal acronym): american born confused desi. i haven't seen the movie so i am not referring to that here. i am 32 years old now and have made a few mistakes, not realizing that there are many issues that i need to sort through before i can know what to do with my life.

i'm looking for a good counselor who can help me sort through my issues. i have tried a few counselors but have had no luck finding a good one. i live in the new york city area. please send suggestions.

By Anonymous on Friday, October 06, 2000 - 07:24 pm:

Hi you Indians outside ! I am a half indian from europe , who has realized that especially male indians are really narrow minded , because of all those narrow minded parents and brothers the girls have no freedom at all ! Boys are allowed to go to discos,and what about girls? Yeah they have to stay in kitchen till they BECOME married !!!!!I hope the new generation will be more openminded ! Anyway I told my dad that I want to choose a guy on my own , hope you all there will think about it , and will be more tolerant , and respect woman !!!!!! Okey I am talking and talking I will have a look again at this side ! See you bye !!!!!( freestylergirl)

By Anonymous on Friday, October 06, 2000 - 07:17 pm:

hi you indians over there !whats up ???
I am a female thinking that many males are narrow minded ! Especially the Sikhs , I know that because I a Sikh!!! Anyway I would like to know your opinion!!!
Waiting anxiously for your reply !!!!
(freestyler girl )

By madhu on Wednesday, September 27, 2000 - 01:32 am:

Im a bengali girl, and speak fluent bengali, but I can't speak a word of hindi. I can understand what is said in the bollywood movies, but my knowledge of the language is extremelly basic. I would love to learn, take classes or whatever it takes to be able to communicate in hindi reasonably well. After all it is the national language, and u really can't get by without it. I live in NJ. If anyone has any details, please email me at madhurimabasu@hotmail.com

By mac on Tuesday, September 12, 2000 - 05:05 pm:

I'm writing regarding a particular site "http://www.megasonic.co.uk/" It is a site developed by some anti hindu pervert and contains derogatory and obscene misinformation about hindu culture, religion and gods. I think we as indians should do something to stop this sort of things from appearing and spreading, within the purview of cyberlaws.

By miu on Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 05:38 am:

what is this racism? .i refer to the "ugly as dravidians"phrase .

(we are not critising you for your english)

open the eyes of your mind ,and you will find indians and pakistanis are neither beautiful or ugly but humans like the rest of us.

By Venki Prathivadi on Monday, August 14, 2000 - 08:25 am:

Dear Indians

I was recently reccomended to visit a website that offers A.R. Rehman songs in mp3 format. The site's address is http://www.geocities.com/arrmp3/ . While browsing through the site, I came across a non-film section containing audio clips of our beloved National Anthem; Jana Gana Mana disgracefully rendered by some very famous artists. I personally think that this section is a shame to all Indians who share the view that the National Anthem is a very special song that ought to be performed in its original style and rendering. I hate to see one of the world's greatest anthems being disfigured by big names in the Indian music world. I was shell-shocked to hear such incompetent and carelessly blatant attempts to add thier own twists, tones and rhythms to our national treasure. Some of these world-renowned musicians have sung the National Anthem with their local accent. Although my roots are from South India, it pains me to hear Jana Gana Mana sung with a Tamil, Telugu or Kannada accent. I beleive that music has a wonderful ability to hide accents unless a singer makes extra effort to include his/her local accent into the song. I have listened to young children from all backgrounds sing the Jana Gana Mana and do great justice. It has always brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. Listening to those clips of the same song on the website brought an uncontrollable rage in me and I could have killed all those who sang that great song as if they just had a big paralyitic stroke when they started singing it and their tongues were drawn to one side.
I was also told that a CD containing these pathetic versions of the Jana Gana Mana is being released on Independance Day. I wonder how the Government and public can tolerate such nonsense. I sincerely implore all well-meaning Indians to boycott the album in protest.

A Well meaning Indian

By Amrita on Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 08:57 am:

I am looking for cookbooks/recipes from Uganda and Fiji. Any suggestions?

By Jat Punjabi on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 01:41 am:

Hi SD,

The best way to handle the situation is through a lawyer. I don't think she would have to go back as long as she can prove that she didn't get married to manipulate the immigration law. But, the best thing to do is to talk to a lawyer.

By sd on Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 12:12 am:

Hi!
I have a friend is in a major problem.
She got married to a man in March, registered in February. They come from Calcultta.
They live in NJ, USA, where the husband works.
The husband is unhappy with the marriage and now is seeking for an annulment. She is on a visa in the U.S. Can he do this to her? What protection does she have? She would ideally like to work things out and stay with him. He's says he never liked her in the beginning but did it to make his parents happy.
Is there a time limit for an annulment?
Does she have to go back to India? Does she have any financial rights? She has no job or money. Is there a good resource to look at for my questions?
Please help!
SD

By oddmark on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 08:17 pm:

i am looking for a permanent relationship with a female who for some definite medical or other specific reasons can not marry or conceive. i am a 38 year old indian graduate from new delhi. i am having problems of all sorts. but please don't look for charities. you may contact me on my email no. given below:

flight404@rediffmail.com

By Jat Punjabi on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 05:58 pm:

mini,

where do you live?

By mini on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 04:26 pm:

Hello,

Can anyone tell me how to and from where to obtain a marriage certificate?

By Paul on Wednesday, May 31, 2000 - 11:57 am:

Paul,
Hi people out there. I am a rookie in the writing field. Presently I am working on the script of a short humour series, which I am going to hand over to an e-publisher. I will still have the copyrights to the publishing of a paperback edition, if an opportunity presesnts itself. But since I am still a novice, I do not know any publishers or agents.

If any one out there could kindly help me and put me through to a publisher or agent, I would be indebted.

I am still working on my manuscript.

THANKS FOR READING.

By P.A. Finlay on Tuesday, March 14, 2000 - 05:17 am:

Are you entering an arranged marriage or do you have experience with an arranged marriage - if so, please contact me. I am a freelance reporter and master of journalism student in Canada (London, Ontario).

I am looking to interview men and women who are entering an arranged marriage. Whether you are for or against such marriages, I would like to hear your story.

Please contact me by e-mail so we can set up an interview. Thank you, Patti-Ann Finlay

By happy on Wednesday, February 02, 2000 - 11:24 am:

dear editor,
i posted a mssg for pk & princess on regular page as well for you on this (help) page yesterday and saw them at their respective places also,but unable to see them today .pl tell me why is it so.
your early response shall be highly appriciated.
thanking you

By antonov on Thursday, December 23, 1999 - 06:27 pm:

I'm a country journalist for South East Asia region. Could you help me?? How to say "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year" in Nepalese, Indian, Pakistani and Sri lankan. Well I do understand that You people have a lot of ethnics group, which means that probably in one country I will get more than one language. Please help me.... I'm on my dead line......
Thank You.......

By Princess on Tuesday, October 05, 1999 - 07:45 am:

Ek Ladki,

I posted an answer for you on the other string about 'Living Abroad / USA' that you posted the question on.

By ek ladki on Tuesday, October 05, 1999 - 04:54 am:

ek ladki
Hi everyone, I just read this site and would like to get some opinions. My husband is from India and moved here in 1972 . He wants to move to India and i am really scared. I read about lot of you who have come here and miss India and you guys are all the ones im asking this question to ...now that you have been in America and know India where would you stay if money wasnt a problem and you didnt have to come to America for a career and what opportunities do you think someone from here would have in India....

thanks
ek ladki

By sudhakar on Wednesday, January 03, 2001 - 01:56 pm:

As my nature is cool and calm I am unable to control my family due to difference of opinion. I am being sandwitched between mother and wife. Due to this the entire peace is disturbed in the house. Even my children's life is getting disturbed.

I want to enjoy peaceful family life. I would like to have somebody's guidance who can help me to take suitable decisions.

Awaiting your kind advice at the earliest.

Thanking you, in anticipation,

By LoCo on Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 08:26 pm:

hi. i have read most of the postings above. it seems that the target audience for this site is people with love problems in their late 20's to 30's. i am 19. i
am first generation of an Indian family. my parents wish for me to marry within caste, probably around the age of 22 to 24. this is when all the other girls in
my caste marry. i am in college right now. of course, my parents love me, and they want me to have an education so that i wont have to work the way they
do for money, but they also want me to be happy in life and having a pre arranged marriage is important to them. it is important to their reputation in my
particular society. i have never dated. it is not something i want to do. i dont like hitting the bar and club scene that much, though if i did go i could fit right
in. ;p i met a man 3 years ago at a wedding. i met him again almost 2 years later. but since the first time i had met him, we have emailed, and phoned
almost weekly. now that i am at the uni it is daily. when we talk we can talk for hours at end: talking for a good 7 hours is absolutly normal for us. its crazy,
isnt it? but he is 25 right now. and i am 19. his parents will want him married soon. probably within a couple of years. whereas i know my parents probably
wont. he is really a great guy. but even though it has been all this time, our relationship is not about love, it is though, above a regular friendship. he
understands me like no other guy. he can deal with my little quirks and it actually makes him more attached to me. i dont think i know him as well as he
knows me. he also told me that he didnt think i liked him as much as he liked me. he is more intense than me in this way. he feels its the best type of
relationship: a best friend and together. he wants to meet with me, to go out, to date. so that we are around each other more, so we can see wether or not
it could really go anywhere. i feel immature, and afraid about this. i dont not wish to lose him. but i do not want to go out of my way to meet him. there are
way too many expectations involved. one cannot be totally honest when they know there are certain things expected, you naturally want to live up to those
expectations and maybe they are not always true. i want to be completely honest with him. but i also dont want to hurt him. we have decided the next time
we meet we will decide on where our relationship stands. he is in my caste. i am afraid that i might not find another guy as wonderful and loving and
understanding as him, and so am afraid to totally let him go. i feel this is wrong of me. i tell him everything i feel... but i am not good with expressing
emotion. my parents had an arranged marriage and it did not involve love. my mother was 16 and my dad had been 24 at that time. i want to know before i
accept a relationship that i can love a man. i do not know love. if i knew exactly what i wanted and they matched his thoughts i would tell him right now to go
to my parents and ask them to marry us. but its not like that. and he has his options as well. but he makes me priority. i really like him. and he likes me
more. but i dont know what to do. it stresses me though, and he would probably tell me right now that i shouldnt be stressing about it. =) any thoughts,
anyone?

By kewal on Friday, April 27, 2001 - 06:57 am:

How can i take a nri audience inusa for my show in usa...menaing i am planning to shoot a short documentary on status of migrant of three generation of indian ..preferable each talking about there own way ans time that has gone bye..is there any nri to assis and help me..

By Nagged_to_death on Saturday, August 04, 2001 - 10:54 pm:

Hello People!
I have heard a lot about about girls misused by their husbands/boy friends.There are a lot of info about support groups/ shelters when it comes to women. But when it comes to men being abused by there wives,there is not much help out there. I tried to scour the web world on this issue. I got some staggering info i.e. the percentage of women abusing men is equal as apposed to vise versa. Even, in US it is a problem. It is about time, we start some serious discussions about this issue. My wife is nagging me to death about every thing I do. We both are professionals but my life is stuck with a control freak like her.We also have child and it is hard for me to even think about divorce. However, I want to get out of this mess.Please,advise.

By ranji on Sunday, August 05, 2001 - 04:30 pm:

Dear Nagged!
I understand your predictament, the easiest way out is to get indifferent.Let not her nagging disturb your tranquility, have her words fall on deaf ears.I know its not easy , but as time passes, she will realise that she is not able to intimidate you, and as you will always be in control of the situation and your self, she will not get an adverse reaction from you .Try this out.........you will soon realise that your wife wants you to lose your temper and have you say and do something to aggrevate the situation to her advantage
take care
Ranji