| By Leena on Friday, November 05, 1999 - 09:16 pm: |
It's interesting...I know my family loves me...yet when my brother was born (I was 4 at the time), all attention was focused on him. I know that my bhai is definitely my mom's baby, my grandmother's darling, and as he grew up, my grandfather's delight. By preference, my dad chooses my brother over me -- after all, he's the one to remain in the family, and I'm "the burdern."
That kind of thing really hurts.
Leena
| By Anon on Saturday, November 06, 1999 - 10:25 pm: |
Leena,
You said," he's the one to remain in the family, and I'm "the burdern." ".
I would not let it bother you. However, if I was in your shoes and if it did bother me, here is what I would do.
As an Indian man, bhai, son, delight, darling etc...He should be used to meeting his familial obligations. He is raised to do just that. Indian society expects "man" of the house to do the right thing. So, obviously… As a male child he should be the one that your parents/grand parents should look for in time of their needs. When your parents are retired or have some needs, simply direct them to him. As it is only fair that he was spoiled, given more attention or whatever...now it is his turn to pay or oblige himself to their needs.
Heck, if I was in your shoe...and I had some life problems, I too would go to him as well. If not go to your parents and ask them to ask him to fix your problems for you. I think it's only fair. Hey...us girls are supposed to be burden, make your sure you are one, and taken care of as a helpless female.
| By Leena on Sunday, November 07, 1999 - 02:58 pm: |
Whoa there, Anon, I have no wish to "get back" at my brother! I guess I failed to mention: he's just as uncomfortable with the subtle delineation of affection as I am. Of course, we've always had a measure of sibling rivalry going (which sibs don't)...and I always fought hard against disliking him *because* of this subtle difference.
My family is in many ways fairly modern in outlook - it's not like I haven't been encouraged to do well in school and other pursuits simply because I'm a girl - in fact, I've been highly encouraged. I think unconsciously, however, the old outlook remains - that my brother is loved for himself, but I am because of the honor I may someday bring to the family by marrying well. So it's like he's already accepted, but the jury's still out on me, and won't pronounce judgement till I'm married.
I hope that clears things up!
| By Anonymous on Sunday, November 14, 1999 - 12:44 pm: |
Personally I am married to an East Indian man, and I am a very white American female...My husband and I have 4 sons, and were very dissapointed that we didnt have a daughter...Finally last month we had our little girl...The difference here is that he and I are both highly educated, live in a country that can more than offer our children a great future, and will never cowtow to such a ridiculous system as dowries and brideburning, and infanticide...It's time for India to grow up and face the 21st Century...Women are just as important as men...Deal With It People!
| By Editor on Tuesday, November 30, 1999 - 05:28 am: |
Campaign to save girl babies Cultural traditions favouring boys over girls die hard
By Satish Jacob in Delhi
Doctors in the Indian capital, New Delhi, are launching a
campaign to raise awareness about the practice of aborting female foetuses
in India simply because they are female. Although the law bans sex
determination tests, some Indian women have an abortion once an ultrasound
test reveals that they are carrying girls. The problem with trying to
prevent couples aborting female foetuses is that cultural traditions die
hard, and a particularly powerful one is that boys are infinitely more
desirable than girls. The reason is simple: when parents marry off a
daughter, society expects them to give a huge dowry to the boy's family.
This represents an enormous burden that often wipes out a family's entire
savings. But Doctor Vinay Aggarwal, co-ordinator of the Indian Medical
Association or IMA, believes that a fundamental change in attitude is
possible. Doctors targeted The IMA's rally in Delhi will kick off a
nationwide campaign to educate people about what Doctor Aggarwal describes
as a degrading and inhuman practice. Doctors in particular will be a
target. By helping couples abort a female foetus, Doctor Aggarwal says,
doctors are conspiring to ensure that, as he puts it, a little innocent
girl in the womb is denied the right to live, even before she is born.
Estimates of the number of female foetuses being destroyed every year in
India vary from two million to five million. A law passed three years ago
forbids this practice. But the police are usually in the dark when it
happens because of the conspiracy of silence that exists between couples
and doctors. Devastating consequences According to the IMA, the
consequences for Indian society are devastating. He points to the figures
of the last census eight years ago which show that in some parts of India,
the population had only 879 women for every 1,000 males and in some states
such as Rajasthan, where there tends to be even greater discrimination
against women, the figure is as low as 600 females for every thousand
males.
| By Himendra on Thursday, December 02, 1999 - 05:43 am: |
Dear Editor,
Many thanks for your thought provoking article. In the "First", "Second", "Third" and "Fourth International Conference on Dowry and Bride-Burning in India", held at Harvard University and London University in 1995, 1996, 1997 and 1998, the discussion on "Son-Preference" built up to such a degree that we are planning to call the next conference : "Fifth International Conference on Dowry, Bride-Burning and Son-Preference in India".
I have written on the subject of "Son-Preference in India" in the past. Responses that I received cannot be classified as "encouraging". Somehow, my fellow countrymen are not prepared to face the problem with a realistic approach. I always blame myself that I failed to present the case effectively. Let me try one more time :
There is "Son-Preference" in China and other countries too. We do not know what is happening there. If someone will furnish a study, we can learn.
But, we know our country, India. In India, "Son-Preference" is taking place for a few reasons :
(1) Death ritual
(2) Continuation of family lineage
(3) Tilling of the farmland
(4) Dowry
Parents need a son because a daughter is not allowed to perform death ritual at the cremetion grounds.
The problem can be solved by allowing a daughter to perform the death ritual at the cremation grounds. This is approved by the highest authority of Hindu scriptures, Rik Veda. Dr. Michael Witzel, a world famous Vedic scholar of Harvard University pointed out about the "Principle of Appointed Daughter" in Yaska 3.4 in Rik Veda 3.31.1. According to this original principle of Hindu culture, a daughter can perform all the functions like a son.
I have repeated this in your forum many times, but the readers have not placed any importance to this fundamental principle. They have talked and discussed other things, but have carefully avoided any discussion when they found that Rik Veda allows a daughter to act like a son. Even ardent Hindu activists ignore the authority of Rik Veda on this point. Maybe they do not want a solution to the problem. Maybe they want to continue dowry, bride-burning and atrocity on females, even on the little unborn female fetus. These people are a shame to India.
One big obstacle to the "Principle of Appointed Daughter" is the ritual of "Gotraschheda" (Snapping of the daughter's parental lineage) and "Kanyaadan" (donate the daughter) at the time of her marriage. Due to these two rituals, the daughter loses her biological family. She is donated away like a bag of potato.
In Hinduism, rituals and traditions develop right and left. For example, now-a-days there is a ritual of "Vidai" in North India as a conclusion of a "marriage", where the groom sits down to eat sweets, and one of his relatives shouts, "Aarey Ramlal, mithai mat khao, mangu kuch" (Oh Ramlal, don't eat the sweets, demand some gift). At this point, the new son-in-law, Mr. Ramlal, the embodiment of backboneless charaterless shame of Indian manhood, "demands" that he must be given a scooter.
The ritual of "Vidai" is most dreaded by the father-of-the-bride in North India, but this ritual is absolutely absent in Eastern India. Similarly, in the Sikh weddings in UK, a new tradition has grown that the gifts of jewelry and clothings must be from some designer stores of UK, but this cannot be a tradition drawn from Indian culture !
People create traditions and rituals. The rituals of "Gotraschheda" and "Kanyaadan" also grew out of local degenerations in those olden times. "Gotraschheda" is opposed to the "Principle of Appointed Daughter" of Rikveda, and "Kanyaadaan" is opposed to the Principle of "Swayambara Vivaha" where a bride selects her own groom and nobody is donated by anybody.
In the "International Society Against Dowry and Bride-Burning in India" (ISADABBI), we are in the process of preparing a "Uniform Hindu Wedding Ceremony" (UHWC) where "Gotraschheda" and Kanyaadaan" will be eliminated. We are planning to prepare a video and a book about a marriage by UHWC, and appealed to the young people, particularly the brides, to join in our efforts. We need to raise funds to produce the video and the book. So far, I have not received any response.
Popularization of the UHWC will lead to the change of attitude that is pointed out by the IMA recently, as mentioned in your article. Change of attitude will not come just by wishful thinking. We must change our wedding rituals, for which the UHWC is being planned. We need to receive orders for the video ($15 each) and the book ($10 each). If we receive enough orders, the project will succeed.
Female inheritance is a direct impetus towards improving the lot of the females in the country. With great fanfare, "Hindu Succession Act" was passed by the late Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru in 1956, but there are so many loopholes in that law that female inheritance could never be enforced in a real sense. The presence of these loopholes prove that the leaders were either inept, or insincere, or both.
A farmer in India needs a son very desperately, otherwise who will till his farmland ? This can be answered by a farmar's daughter who can till the land and carry on all other work in a farm by using modern farm machineries. The Government or private organizations may grant loan to purchase farm machineries to a farmer who has daughters, but does not have a son. His craze for a son will be replaced by his craze for the much coveted farm machineries. And his daughters can turn his land into a lush vegetation of life-giving farm produces, thereby disproving the craze for a son.
We are planning to hold a demonstration of a daughter ploughing her father's land as soon as we can hold a conference in India. We appeal to the readers to come up with contributions ... donate a tractor ... so that we may materialize this plan. Just writing letters in the Internet is not going to solve the problem.
If we can establish the position of a daughter at a respectable level which she deserves, the problem will be solved: dowry will be replaced by post-mortem female inheritance, and a daughter will be able to live a life full of respect and recognition.
Thanks.
With the best wishes,
Sincerely yours,
Himendra Thakur
Chair, Board of Directors,
International Society Against
Dowry and Bride-Burning in India, Inc.
Postal mailing address:
ISADABBI
P.O. Box 8766
Salem, MA-01971, USA
| By Lambb on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 07:01 am: |
I have seen reports about the desire for male children and the resulting abortions to be rid of the female child. I am searching for information on a hospital in India for infants. If my understanding is correct, the mortality rate is extremely high there. I am searching out the possibility of doing missionary work in India and incorporating my nursing degree there. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
Lambb
| By Himendra on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 02:13 pm: |
Dear Lambb,
We are really grateful to you for your letter.
Right now, we are in the process of holding the "Fifth International Conference on Dowry and Bride-Burning" on January 27, 28, 29 and 30, 2001 (379 days from today) in New Delhi, for the first time in India.
Your offer to do missionary work to stop "Son-Preference" in India will come as a great inspiration to people, because "Son-Preference" is one of the roots of "Dowry & Bride-Burning", and vice versa. If possible, please write an article as to your plan. If you give me some details as to how you wish to do the "Missionary work to stop "Son-Preference" in India", I could write the article for you with the help of other organizers. It will be ultimately published in our Souvenir by June 30, 2000 (169 days from today). Please contact me as soon as possible.
Appended below, please find the current version of the "Six Point Program to Eradicate Dowry and Bride-Burning in India". We are seriously thinking of adding the phrase "Son-Preference", because that is one of the roots interlinked with the evil of "Dowry & Bride-Burning". Please send your suggestions.
We will to prepare a "Work-Plan" which will be submitted to the Prime Minister of India on January 29, 2001. The "Work-Plan" will be prepared in such a way that it can be used to implement the "Six Point Program" immediately after the Conference.
Let me reiterate that missionary work by you will be a matter of great inspiration to the people and political leaders of India. Once again, thank you very much. Please contact me as soon as possible.
With best wishes,
Sincerely yours,
Himendra Thakur
Chair, Board of Directors
International Society Against Dowry and
Bride-Burning in India, Inc. (ISADABBI)
(A Tax-Exempt Non-Profit Incorporationin the USA)
Postal mailing address:
ISADABBI
P.O. Box 8766
Salem, MA-01971, USA
TEL: USA-978-462-6159
FAX: USA-978-462-6347
APPENDIX :
SIX POINT PROGRAM TO ERADICATE DOWRY AND BRIDE-BURNING IN INDIA
(Note: This "Program" was originally adopted on October 2,
1995 at the "First International Conference on Dowry and
Bride-Burning in India" held at Harvard University from
September 30 to October 2, 1995. The discussion on the "Six
Point Program" was started by Dr. Julia Leslie (Dean at the
"School of Oriental and Afican Studies" (SOAS) of London
University) when she pleaded that there must be a telephone
hot-line in the towns/cities of India so that a bride, who
was afraid that she might be killed, could ask for help. The
question came up: who would take the call ? Who will help
her ?? There was a dowry cell in police department, but they
were understaffed. Moreover, police did not have any
infrastucture to provide safe accommodation, free food and
clothing, medical and psychological support, etc. for the
brides. Most of the existing shelter homes had such a bad
reputation that a bride would prefer to die at the hands of
her in-laws than to go to such a shelter. So the question
came up about building respectable, safe and secure
shelter-homes, which started the discussion.
The "Six Point Program" was further discussed and revised at
the "Second nternational Conference" held at Harvard
University in 1996 and at the "Third International
Conference" held at London University in 1997. The following
is a version modified at the "Fourth International
Conference on Dowry and Bride-Burning in India" held at
Harvard University on December 5, 1998.
As it will be seen, the "Program" is still in the process of
finalization. We need feed-back from everyone, particularly
from persons who have any experience in helping any dowry
victim anywhere in India and abroad, so that a
well-organized centralized plan can be formulated which will
achieve the goal with a minimum wastage of efforts.)
1. MAJOR ECONOMIC PROGRAM: LONG TERM PLAN:
1(a) Enforce mandatory education of females for financial
independence and autonomy,
1(b) Introduce a "Service Loan Fund" to provide low-interest
loans to wage-earning males who wish to pay-off their
parents thereby preventing the possibility of parents' claim
of dowry as a compensation of expenses in raising and
educating their sons,
1(c) Originate an "Old Age Fund" in India to finance old
people thereby eliminating their dependency upon their sons.
2. NATIONAL SUPPORT GROUPS: LONG TERM PLANS:
2(a). Organize and operate "Students Against Dowry" mutual
support groups for male and female students and fresh
graduates (i) to promote the resolve of refusal of marriage
if there is a dowry, & (ii) to support their struggle
against parental pressure for demand/acceptance/giving of
dowry.
2(b). Organize and operate "Parents Against Dowry" mutual
support groups of parents (i) who oppose the dowry system, &
(ii) whose daughters have been victims of dowry.
3. RESEARCH AND MASS COMMUNICATION: LONG TERM PLAN:
3(a). Promote research to identify and diagnose the dowry
problem in India, hold interviews, group/panel discussions,
meetings, seminars, conferences, internet discussions, and
recommend legal, psychological, spiritual and social
remedies to eradicate the evil of dowry and bride-burning.
3(b). Promote mass communication and education programs to
publicize anti-dowry ideology through drama, music, movies,
radio and television programs, books, periodicals, journals,
handbills, and other audio-visual media.
4. MICRO-ECONOMIC APPROACH: LONG TERM PLAN:
This item will be developed to diagnose the dowry problem by
micro-economic studies and recommend ways and means to
combat the subtle micro-economic forces like demand, supply,
greed, etc. which sustain the dowry system.
5. LEGAL APPROACH: LONG TERM PLAN:
5(a). Reformative Law: Reform Indian legal system to enforce
a daughter's inheritance rights to the estates of her
parents, forefathers and other ancestors.
5(b). Preventive Law: Enhance Indian legal system to enforce statutory divorce as soon as dowry is
demanded, and enact legal provisions for safe exit of the bride from the house of her perpetrators.
6. IMMEDIATE LIFE-SAVING MECHANISM:
6(a). Construct dignified, high-rise, secured and protected
buildings in a number of towns/cities in India and operate
"Job Center for Dowry Victims" equipped with telephone
hot-lines, attended by speciaists trained to handle distress
calls, where a dowry victim will receive effective security,
respectable accommodation, food and clothing, legal
protection, medical care, psychological and spiritual care,
sports & recreational facilities, study material and a
job-oriented training till she is qualified to find a job
and qualified to lead a financially independent life.
6(b). Construct dignified, high-rise, secured and protected
buildings for financially independent, working women.
[END OF THE SIX-POINT PROGRAM]
| By Himendra on Friday, February 04, 2000 - 04:18 am: |
Dear Friends,
For update of the "Fifth International Conference on Dowry, Bride-Burning and Son-Preference in India" to be held on January 27, 28, 29 & 30, 2001 (359 days from today), please visit:
http://www.asiatica.org/dowryconf.php3
On the third day of the Conference (January 29, 2001), we will submit a "Work-Plan" to the Prime Minister of India or his representative for implementation of plans and programs to eradicate dowry, bride-burning and son-preference in India. If you have any suggestions, please contact me immediately. All the papers and article must be completed by June 30, 2000 (149 days from today). please join this effort to create a beautiful India, full of love, compassion, trust and hope.
With the best wishes,
Himendra Thakur
Chair, Board of Directors
International Society Against Dowry and
Bride-Burning in India, Inc. (ISADABBI)
(A Tax-Exempt Non-Profit Incorporation in the USA)
Postal mailing address:
ISADABBI
P.O. Box 8766
Salem, MA-01971, USA
TEL: USA-978-462-6159
FAX: USA-978-462-6347
| By Steven Rene Marchand on Monday, April 10, 2000 - 04:08 am: |
On 27-30 January 2001 the 5th International Conference on Dowry,Brideburning & Son-Preference will be held in New Delhi. While previous conferences took place at Harvard and London Universities, this edition will be organised in India for the first time !
Information & details about the program of this conference have been published on our web page
http://www.psy.kuleuven.ac.be/incap/Home/Dowry/conference/conference.html
Consult these pages to find out more about the rogram, sponsoring, what you can do, call for papers etc.
Hosted on the site of the INCAP Bureau for Anthropology & South East Asia Studies
Steven Marchand - Isabelle De Somviele
University of Leuven - BELGIUM
www.psy.kuleuven.ac.be/incap
incap@india.com
>
Other India related topics on this site : Economic Anthropology, globalisation, Womenstudies, Indian politics, Links....
>
>Sponsors of the 5th International Conference on Dowry, Brideburning & Son-Preference in India :
>
>Arya Samaj of India, new Delhi, India
>Asiatica Association www.asiatica.org
>Bandhua Mukti Morcha (BMM) of New Delhi.
>Delhi University, New Delhi, India
>Durban University, Durban, South Africa
>Guru Nanak Dev University, Amritsar, India
>Harvard University, USA
>INCAP Bureau, Belgium www.psy.kuleuven.ac.be/incap
>Kurukshetra University, Kurukshetra,India
>Perugia University, Italy
>Punjab University, Chandigarh, India
>SOAS, University of London, UK
>Tagore Research Centre,Calcutta.
>Women's Action Research & Legal Action for Women (WARLAW), New Delhi
>
>Please support our cause by forwarding this message !
| By Editor - Delhi on Wednesday, April 26, 2000 - 04:47 am: |
India's missing female population
By Madhu Gurung
New Delhi - Kamla Mehra, 35, waits like any other middle-aged Indian housewife at a crowded Delhi bus stop for her children to return from school.
The bus arrives and two excited figures -- a girl in long plaits and a cherubic six-year old boy hurl themselves at her. Kamla smiles and hugs the boy to her bosom, hands his bag to his sister, and holding his hand, leads him home. He is, after all, the much sought after son that was born to Kamla after killing a female foetus.
Like a nameless sea of women, Kamla too had carried out a selective abortion which is now causing a deficiency of women in India's sex ratio, with all India average being 927 females per 1,000 males, the Women's Feature Service reports.
In the book 'From Independence Towards Freedom,' demographer Leela Visaria points out that the progressive deficit of women has risen from four million in 1901 to 32 million in 1991. This progressive deficit of women can be seen from the masculine ratio which has increased from 1,029 men per 1,000 population in 1901 to 1,079 men per 1,000 population in 1991.
The deficit of women is more noticeable in the urban population than the rural population -- a factor which is frequently attributed to male migration from rural to urban areas. Also, the deficit of women is smaller in the southern states than in the northern states of Punjab, Haryana, Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh.
Satish Agnihotri, an expert on the sex ratio, calls the land rich states of Haryana, Punjab and Uttar Pradesh the "Bermuda Triangle" where girls go missing. Demographer Ashish Bose points out that the sex ratio in Uttar Pradesh is 882 females per 1,000 males; in Punjab it is 888 females and in Haryana it is the lowest at 874 females per 1,000 males.
Ironically, the phenomenon of son preference has reached alarming proportions in India's most prosperous states. Technology like amniocentesis, chorion biopsy and ultrasound are being used to detect the sex of the foetus and selectively abort the female child.
Delhi-based academic Saraswati Raju, who also tried to study the problem geographically by grouping northern and southern states from 1901 to 1991, says, "I found the pattern of declining female sex ratio had spread from the north to the south. What was disturbing was the decline in the female sex ratio in societies where no previous history of such discrimination existed."
Pravin and Leela Visaria's findings on the caste wise demographic deficiency of women challenge many preconceived notions people have about castes and communities. They point out that despite the tremendous social, political and economic advantages enjoyed by India's Hindu population, their record when it comes to prejudices against women is the worst.
In sharp contrast the least discrimination against girls exists among the marginalised, impoverished Scheduled Tribes. Tribal women enjoy a fair amount of equality with men. However, the socially underprivileged Scheduled Castes seem to have copied the higher caste groups' discriminatory treatment of their daughters.
Anti-female prejudices are not as blatant among predominantly urbanised and better educated Jains and Christians. The Buddhists have a lower deficit than the Hindus and the Muslims. Overall, the deficit of women is the lowest among the Christians and the highest amongst the Sikh community.
On the eve of his retirement as director of Health Services in Punjab, Puran Singh Jassi admitted that Punjab's sex ratio is alarming. While reviewing the birth register of 1997, he found that Punjab's sex ratio had dipped, with 751 girls born per 1,000 males that year. Says Jassi, "If we visualise that some female births had not been entered, even then the sex ratio cannot be more than 800, which is far below the All India sex ratio of 927 females per 1,000 males."
The most obvious reason for not wanting girls is that they have to be married off and that entails huge expense on ceremonies and the dowry which are growing with rising consumerism. In rural Haryana, Punjab and Uttar Pradesh farmers and daily wage workers take loans and make their wives undergo scanning and selective abortions to ensure they bear only sons.
When the Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques (Regulation and Prevention of Misuse) Act came into force in 1994, the tests went underground. "It's all right to legislate but what about execution? Who is going to monitor whether the tests are still being carried out?" asks Mira Shiva of the Voluntary Health Association of India.
Not a single case has been registered by the Health Department of Punjab which is the monitoring agency.
"How can we take punitive action when we have received no complaints? People have no respect for law. Test results are given verbally by doctors. Who is to be punished, the doctor, the couple, the in-laws or the society at large?" questions Jassi.
Clearly the problem is social sanction for the killing of the girl child. The law cannot tackle a problem of this dimension. Unless social attitudes change drastically -- and there seems no sign of it -- the Census 2000 will register a further drop in the number of girls born in India.
| By Himendra Thakur on Wednesday, May 10, 2000 - 06:08 pm: |
To
The Editor,
Hindustan Discussions
Dear sir,
I request you to allow us to re-print the above article of Madhu Gurung "India's missing female population" in our internet journal "India United".
I shall publish a link to Hindustan Discussion in our website. I also request you to publish our web-address in your esteemed web-site.
Thanks.
Sincerely yours,
Himendra Thakur
| By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 10, 2000 - 07:03 pm: |
A similar story was published in the Wall Street Journal on May 9.
| By Santosh on Wednesday, May 10, 2000 - 11:07 pm: |
Kapila,
I feel you have missed one point while analysing the male child preference, and I scrolled through the page - nobody else seems to raise this either - that still in India, male child has the moral responsibily of looking after his parents when they grow old. I feel this is one of the major reasons as well, and it is bit of logical ! In west, kids move out of parents home after certain age and of course son is not expected to stay with parent after maariage so the parents need not bother about their kids' gender !
Contrast this with Indian scenario - at present, a man has to support his parents, so you won't find many men ready to support their spouse' parents, if she happens to be only child / has no brother ! And add the overall standard of living in India - there is ratrace going on for mere existance in lower layers !
So unless we say good bye to Indian Joint family system - a grown man should separate (maybe before marriage itself) from his parents even if he is the only kid, this preference will continue !
| By shocked on Sunday, May 14, 2000 - 11:42 am: |
I am frightened at the articles i am reading. i cannot believe that in the world today there is an entire culture that is completely OK with selective abortion. This is wrong. All children have the right to live. Killing fetuses because they are female is barberic. Its not human. It is slaughter of innocent flesh. Would u also kill female children in the hopes that the female population will dwindle. It takes females to make babies. It the ratio is only 6oo women to 1000 men then there iwll be a shortage of women to procreate with. Then the population will die because there will not be enough women to have children. The populatoin will be made of mostly men. What is wrong with this practice? Much. Search in your hearts to let the children live. Let other families adopt them. THere are many parents that cannot have children that would be more than happy to raise these children and even pay for the adoption. Adoption could become a great revenue for your country. Please reconsider u r thoughts when going foran abortion. GOd loves us all and has a plan for each of us. Give those children a chance to make their mark on this earth as your parents gave you.
| By Himendra Thakur on Wednesday, May 17, 2000 - 05:35 am: |
Dear Shocked,
Dear Shocked,
Selective abortion of female fetus is practices by people who can afford to pay the doctor. The great doctor (a very rich person in Indian standards) is sitting at the ground floor of a building besides an ultrasonic machine, with an abortion clinic upstairs. You will see this set-up at many street corners of Delhi and other cities in the Indo-Gangetic plains.
Yet you find intelligent people who try to create confusion with statements like "And add the overall
standard of living in India - there is ratrace going on for mere existance in lower layers !" Notwithstanding the fact that the crime is happening more at upper layers, this confusing statement is issued by one who belongs to the upper layers and who has access to a computer. The name of this person is "Santosh", which means "contentment". Apparently, Mr. Santosh is very content that female babies are selectively aborted. He accusesd Editor Kapila that "you have missed one point while analysing the male child preference, and I scrolled through the page - nobody else seems to raise this either - that still in India, male child has the moral responsibily of looking after his parents when they grow old. I feel this is one of the major reasons as well, and it is bit of logical !"
Santosh calls it "logical", and Santosh represents a large section of intelligent, computer literate people of India. They do not belong to the class of India's teeming multitude of uneducated poor people.
Santosh immediately turns towards West, by saying that "In west, kids move out of parents home after certain age and of course son is not expected to stay with parent after maariage so the parents need not bother about their kids' gender !" I want to inform Santosh that in the West, kids take care of their old parents, son and daughter, both.
At the end, Santosh talks about the joint family system of India, but it is not clear whether he supports it, or opposes it, or is just comfortably neutral.
While opposing "Son-Preference", we are not opposed to joint-family system : there is nothing wrong in a joint-family, or any other form of a family, as long as a family is a family. Moment they plan to kill their daughter-in-law over dowry money or for any other reason, that family is no longer a family, and such a group of people must be punished according to law.
We do not need "Son-Preference". A daughter can perform all functions of a son. I think Santosh missed these points that I elaborated in detail in my December 2, 1999 letter above.
There is nothing wrong to say that a son has moral responsibility to look after his parents : but, at the same time, a daughter also has a moral responsibility to look after her parents. So, when a man is free to look after his parents, his wife is free to look after her parents. That is logical. That is also suppported by dharma, righteousness, nyaya, justice. In fact, both husband and wife together can look after the four parents at their old age. That is the most happy arrangement, full of love, sacrifice, compassion, hope and trust. It is unfortunate that Mr. Santosh missed this point.
This kind of intelligentia is a tragedy of India. Sometimes I feel that this tragedy is greater than the barbarism of bride-burning and selective female abortion. They never come up to help. They just sit and pass comments that obstruct constructive works.
With the best wishes,
Sincerely yours,
Himendra Thakur
Chair, Board of Directors,
International Society Against Dowry
and Bride-Burning in India, Inc. (ISADABBI)
Postal mailing address :
ISADABBI
P.O. Box 8766
Salem, MA-01971, USA
TEL: 978-462-6159
FAX: 978-462-6347
email:
| By Santosh on Thursday, May 25, 2000 - 11:30 pm: |
Thanks a lot Himendra for that detailed reply ! I was analysing the issue and not justifying it. Well, I must admit that this reason I mentioned is more arising from traditional mind set rather than being a logical one! Solution as you have suggested is daughter looking after her parents even after marriage. There need not be hard and fast rule that only son will look after parents - this decision should be left to the families in question. I have seen people refusing to take water/food when at daughter's place, they will find this idea hard to implement and these are the people who will like to have sons !
I am out of India at the moment and observing people around here and I still feel - children (son or daughter) not staying with parent after certain age and many times not being financially dependant upon them, makes parents really indifferent about their gender. Here sons and daughters do take care of their parents but staying together is something different - I see lots of old people doing everyday things all on their own with much difficulty. Here, one is supposed to make arrangement for one's own old times sake (government does a great job in this as well) - unlike in India where parents invest a lot in their children - hoping that they will get returns when they are old. Here again son gets (unjust) preference as he'll be looking after them, and daughter will be "taking wealth away" as dowry, which in fact should be replaced by female inheritance - which is their right.
Speaking on issue of joint family, in India, I think we can not make a generalised statement - today, there are rectangular/triangular urban (some rural as well) families and rural big families and these have different sources of income e.g. an urban boy/girl may move out of home to follow his/her career or two brothers in village farming two shares of lands received in inheritance, which means no single answer! So you can say I am "comfortably neutral" on this issue !
And lastly, I am not trying to create confusion - I may be confused myself !I was addressing the issue of male child preference in large, so when you say "Notwithstanding the fact that the crime is happening more at upper layers, this confusing statement is issued by one who belongs to the upper layers and who has access to a computer", it limits the problem to the crime of selective abortion. As you know, male child preference exists in poor as well and they have their own ways - killing the female infant or let her live a miserable life that is next to hell. And,this may sound bit like I am taking this personally, and I am! - I come from a family who had an annual income of less than 50000 rupees some three yrs back, which I don't consider to be in upper layers - so please don't make statements based on assumptions about someone's background. One good thing that is happening is more and more poor people in India are getting access to computers !
| By Mitthoo on Thursday, June 08, 2000 - 03:22 am: |
Hi Friends,
I am happy to see that many of us are opposing the 'male-dominance/preference' by families & society in a way, we could. I believe the thinking is improving gradually, though I admit, it's too slow. Some of you have expressed the view that a male child is preferred as he takes care of his family, but I feel, it depends on his wife (I am talking about families where women are educated). It's a woman who takes care of the in-laws, maintains the culture, keeps the traditions & customs. In a way, maintaining anything in a family depends on women. As women are becoming economically independent, they have more say in family matters than they had earlier. My experience is, girls may not be helping parents financially (unless required), but they always give them the emotional support, show affection by writing letters, sending cards, calling more often, visiting them,etc. And I think that's what parents need when they are old. So, I feel it is better to have 'at least one baby girl'....so you are sure you have someone to look upon to when you are old.
I wonder....still....why people want to have a male child????
| By Himendra on Thursday, June 08, 2000 - 06:18 pm: |
Dear Mitthoo,
I am so glad to see your letter. You have the same name as my daughter Mitthoo, and you are striking a vital chord in this strange discussion on "Son Preference" by saying that "girls may not be helping parents financially (unless required), but they always give them the emotional support, show affection by writing letters, sending cards, calling more often, visiting them,etc."
It was Mahatma Gandhi, the Father of the Nation, who reiterated in "uncompromising" terms : "... I should treat daughters and sons on a footing of perfect equality."
You have said very beautifully that "In a way, maintaining anything in a family depends on women."
I request you to attend the "Fifth International Conference on Dowry, Bride-Burning and Son-Preference in India" to be held in New Delhi at India International Centre on January 27-30, 2001, and say these things to the audience. The atrocity of bride-burning and selective abortion of female fetus in India, which you may have seen in the CBS "60 Minutes" last Sunday (June 4, 2000), must be stopped. I invite everyone to help us revise/update the "Six Point Program to Eradicate Dowry and Bride-Burning in India" and help us implement these plans and programs. Watching TV and writing letters in the Internet is not enough.
With the best wishes to everybody,
Sincerely yours,
Himendra Thakur
Chair, Board of Directors,
International Society Against Dowry
and Bride-Burning in India, Inc. (ISADABBI)
[A non-profit organization tax-exempt in the USA]
Postal mailing address:
ISADABBI
P.O. Box 8766
Salem, MA-01971, USA
| By Dexter on Friday, June 09, 2000 - 01:20 am: |
I have a question. Actually 2 of them. How can one today prefer to have sons only, knowing that there's a shortage of women in India? Who will those Indian men marry if there's a shortage of Indian women to marry?
| By mrcarton on Sunday, June 11, 2000 - 09:13 pm: |
Dexter,
You're assuming that that kind of logic actually
applies in this situation. It doesn't. Millions
of families just don't think, or understand how
what they are doing in preferring boys to girls,
multiplied by the millions of other families who
think the same way, does to society as a whole.
In discussing this issue with people from the
old country and here, young and old, some seem
to believe that the situation will "right itself",
in that given that there is a shortage of women
that will make them more "valuable". Others
believe that it won't make a difference, that
the "value" of a woman has nothing to do with
quantity, and so we may see a large number of
women, especially in the poor classes, who will
never marry, never be able to leave their homes,
and will continue to be viewed as "burdens".
What the Indian men will do is anybody's guess.
I think that in the long run, it is still more
acceptable for Indian men to remain unmarried then
Indian women.
I think education may be the key here. An educated
woman has more options in the way she runs her life.
It's not easy, especially in conservative circles,
but it can be done.
| By Himendra on Wednesday, June 14, 2000 - 11:47 pm: |
Dear Mr. Carton,
Education is the Point #1 in the "Six Point Program to Eradicate Dowryand Bride-Burning in India" (appended below).
Please help us implement these programs. Please send your donations. We need funds to hold the "Fifth International Conference on Dowry,Bride-Burning and Son-Preference in India" to be held on January 27-30,
2001 in New Delhi, where we plan to convince the Prime Minister of India to start implementation of the plans and programs.
Writing letters in the Internet is just a beginning. Please follow it up with real work.
Thanks.
Yours Sincerely,
Himendra Thakur
International Society Against Dowry and
Bride-Burning in India, Inc. (ISADABBI)
(A non-profit organization tax-exempt in the USA)
Postal mailing address:
ISADABBI
P.O. Box 8766,
Salem, MA-01971, USA
APPENDIX:
SIX POINT PROGRAM TO ERADICATE DOWRY AND BRIDE-BURNING IN INDIA
by
International Society Against Dowry
& Bride-Burning in India, Inc.
(ISADABBI)
[Note: The "Six Point Program" (abbreviated as "Program" elsewhere) was originally adopted on October 2, 1995 at the "First International Conference on Dowry and Bride-Burning in India" held at Harvard University from September 30 to October 2, 1995. The discussion on the "Program" was started by Dr. Julia Leslie (Senior Lecturer in Hindu Studies, Department of the Study of Religions, "School of Oriental and African Studies" (SOAS), University of London, UK) when she pleaded that there must be a telephone hot-line in the towns/cities of India so that a bride, who was afraid that she might be killed, could ask for help.
It is now estimated that about 25,000 brides are "killed or maimed" every year in India over dowry disputes, a number that exceeds the annual UN estimate of 21,000 civilians "killed or maimed" in land-mine accidents all over the world. We appeal to everybody to help us implement the plans and programs to stop this tragedy.
The "Program" was further discussed, revised and edited at the "Second International Conference" held at Harvard University in November,1996 and at the "Third International Conference" held at London University in November, 1997. The following is a version modified at the "Fourth International Conference on Dowry and Bride-Burning in India" held at Harvard University on December 5, 1998.
As it will be seen, the "Program" is still in the process of finalization. We need feed-back from everyone, particularly from persons who have any experience in helping any dowry victim anywhere in India and abroad, so that a well-organized centralized plan can be formulated which will achieve the goal with a minimum wastage of efforts.
Please send your Donations (Tax-Exempt in the USA) to:
International Society Against Dowry
and Bride-Burning in India, Inc.
(ISADABBI)
Postal mailing address:
ISADABBI
P.O. Box 8766, Salem, MA-01971, USA
END OF THE NOTE]
1. MAJOR ECONOMIC PROGRAM: LONG TERM PLAN:
1(a) Enforce mandatory education of females for financial independence & autonomy.
1(b) Introduce a "Service Loan Fund" to provide low-interest loans to wage-earning males who wish to pay-off their parents thereby preventing the possibility of parents' claim of dowry as a compensation of expenses in raising and educating their sons.
1(c) Originate an "Old Age Fund" in India to finance old people thereby eliminating their dependency upon their sons.
2. NATIONAL SUPPORT GROUPS: LONG TERM PLAN:
2(a). Organize and operate "Students Against Dowry" mutual support groups for male and female students and fresh graduates (i) to promote the resolve of refusal of marriage if there is a dowry, & (ii) to support their struggle against parental pressure for
demand/acceptance/giving of dowry.
2(b). Organize and operate "Parents Against Dowry" mutual support groups of parents
(i) who oppose the dowry system, &
(ii) whose daughters have been victims of dowry.
3. RESEARCH AND MASS COMMUNICATION: LONG TERM PLAN:
3(a). Promote research to identify and diagnose the dowry problem in India, hold interviews, group/panel discussions, meetings, seminars, conferences, Internet discussions, and recommend legal, psychological,
spiritual and social remedies to eradicate the evil of dowry and bride-burning.
3(b). Promote mass communication and education programs to publicize anti-dowry ideology through drama, music, movies, radio and television programs, books, periodicals, journals, handbills, and other
audio-visual media.
4. MICRO-ECONOMIC APPROACH: LONG TERM PLAN:
This item will be developed to diagnose the dowry problem by micro-economic studies and recommend ways and means to combat the subtle micro-economic forces which sustain the dowry system in India and among Indian communities abroad.
5. LEGAL APPROACH: LONG TERM PLAN:
5(a). Reformative Law: Reform Indian legal system to enforce a daughter's inheritance rights to the estates of her parents, forefathers and other ancestors.
5(b). Preventive Law: Enhance Indian legal system to enforce mandatory abrogation of a marriage as soon as dowry is demanded, guarantee safe exit for the bride to move out from the home of her perpetrators and
compensate the divorced bride according to divorce laws.
6. IMMEDIATE LIFE-SAVING MECHANISM:
6(a). Construct dignified, high-rise, secured and protected buildings in a number of towns/cities in India and operate "Job Center for Dowry Victims" equipped with telephone hot-lines, attended by specialists trained to handle distress calls, where a dowry victim will receive effective security, respectable accommodation, food and clothing, legal
protection, medical care, psychological and spiritual care, sports & recreational facilities, study material and a job-oriented training till she is qualified to find a job and qualified to lead a financially independent life.
6(b). Construct dignified, high-rise, secured and protected buildings for financially independent, working women.
[END OF THE SIX-POINT PROGRAM]
For further discussions, please contact :
International Society Against Dowry and
Bride-Burning in India, Inc. (ISADABBI).
Postal mailing address:
P.O. Box 8766, Salem, MA-01971, USA
email address:
Telephone:
USA-978-462-6159
USA-978-740-5487
| By sapne on Friday, June 23, 2000 - 05:38 pm: |
namaste hemendreji,i am very much impressed by your work done in this field. but what i feel that more than preparing some plans and relying on govt for enforcement is futile.even if they try it will be full of corruption.the best thing is to educate the mass(general public).this is only possible with some sincere people coming forward and taking a bid.education to be given to next generation(school,college level) present ones are difficult to change.you won't beleive but nowadays a bride herself demands dowry because they feel this event comes only once a life time and lateron we are not going to get anything from them it's our right to demand .my cousine took more dowry against her parents wish for show off.another myth is when we are giving it then what is a problem to take it but they don't realise that a wrong thing is a wrong thing you need to become a transition person rather than a transaction person .the more dowry you give the more expectations. forget that ,actuallydowry should be given to female's parents because throughout life parents of females serve her and when her time comes she goes to serve her inlaws.i am not a feminist and i defy this system altogether it is just a silly thought because my parents have two daughters so if we get married and everything is given in dowry who is going to serve my parents(ofcourse i am never going to let it happen.) :i am a research person going to make a serial on getting ready for marriage.i would like you to give suggestions from your side about what you fill should be included to educate the mass. your reseach work is invited. it is just at a primary stage of preparation right now.what i wrote earlier are my views not connected with my proffesion it is not as if i am publicsiings my programme. even such issues like dowry etc is haunting me througout and i was desperate to work in this field. i hope toi maintain to have contacts with you thankyou very much for making me realise that i am not alone who has this obsession.
| By Ianessa on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 08:55 pm: |
Dear all,
I am an Italian-American living in New York. I have found the postings on this list very interesting. I grew up in an atmosphere of son-preference in an Italian family. I certainly have not had to deal with anything as horrendous as the dowry situation in India. However, the conditioning of living in this kind of family structure has resulted in problems in adaption to modern American life, both for me and for my brother as well. In my family I was required to wait on my brother and my father like a servant. My brother received praise and encouragement in school where I was usually ignored or criticized. Yet my brother's future remains tied to the expectations of my father and he senses that his life is not his own. For me it has lead to ongoing difficulty establishing positive relationships with men and a struggle for a sense of self-confidence and worth.
| By mrcarton on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 03:35 am: |
Expectations are a double-edged sword I believe. On the one hand, they bring a certain order to one's life. You know where you stand, and what is, obviously expected of you. Without it, many people find themselves adrift in life, without direction or purpose.
On the other hand, too much of it can smother the strongest will, or twist it into something that is self injurious.
So which tack do you follow? It seems to me that the "me" generation, which I believe encompasses more than just what happened in the West, believed that the better tack was to shrug off expectations of society and family and chart their own course completely -- with mixed results I believe.
Is there a point to this rambling? Not really. :-) I just want to continue the discussion on the value of family expectations, do they help or hinder? What do you all think?
| By Kate Forshaw on Monday, July 03, 2000 - 03:18 pm: |
Hi. I'm keen to hear from any UK Asians currently planning a wedding and new life back in Asia for possible TV documentary. Proposal only at this stage - all correspondance confidential.
kate.forshaw@granadamedia.com
| By sorry on Thursday, July 06, 2000 - 06:27 pm: |
soory no comments
| By Amitabh on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 01:37 am: |
With all this bullshit , you arseholes have missed one important point. How is it that more men than women is a "negative sex ratio" and more women than men like in the US and Uk is "positive"?
Women are not, never can be equals. The feminist movement has fallen flat on it's face here. Even after 35 years of affirmative action, one sided and anti-male prejudiced laws, can you name one woman who is number 1 at anything? Anything atall? The ill-treatment given to boys in US schools is mindboggling (4 yr. old sued for sexual harassement). Idiots, when Girls were being beaten in Schools, everyone got worried, now when the boys are being beaten, everyone has a smile on their face. India is going down the rotten path of USA, and GOD knows this is the poorest counry in the world when it comes to culture. Bride burning and female infanticide are hateful acts, but male bashing and blaming everything on the men certainly won't make up for women's inferiority, BLAME GOD!
| By A Woman on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 05:46 pm: |
Um, Janet Reno is the number one law enforcement officer in the US. Good thing for you arranged marriage still exists Amitabh...at least your wife may not get a chance to say no.
| By Amitabh on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 08:44 pm: |
The first female Attorney General in the US is nothing But Affirmative Action at Work. And by the way, "WOMAN", wherever there are no quotas or reservation system, Men Rule.
I am not getting Married, but in response to your attempt to mock the tradition of Arranged Marriage in India, at least Indian women don't die alone (and they are by far, much happier and secure than you), lonely and depressed in India like the Dykes of the US, when your Biological Clock Does stop ticking, you'll realize that you are ALONE.Maybe Janet Reno will take you in. You'll never have to ask, "Where have all the men gone"?
| By A Woman on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 09:36 pm: |
I'm not mocking the tradition...just pointing out that in SOME cases, girls still have no choice. You'll find plenty of stories on these boards about it. Do you really think that if you HONEST with any girl about the views you've expressed here, that she would want to become your life partner? Forced arranged marriage is the only thing that can help you.
| By yasmeen on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 04:34 pm: |
Amitabh,
"can you name one woman who is number 1 at anything?"
let me answer you by saying that those women who manage to have careers, are mothers, wives, lovers, cleaners, cooks, nurturers, financiers all in one and this just shows how women everywhere manage to do all these tasks better than any male could even dream of. Women handle all these things and still live their lives while for some males just the thought of cooking their own meals comes like a rude shock. Amitabh btw hows mama's cooking im sure youre still enjoying it. There are females in politics, in the navy, airforce, in medicine/nursing, business, engineering, teachers, researchers/scientists, lawyers, finance consultants and computer/software engineers and i could go on and on. These are all well educated and competent women and deserve to be in the highest positions and should be number one but why are there so few women who actually are no. 1 ? its not that they cant do the job its because theres a chauvinistic male who currently has the number one position and given the choice about selecting a competent male or female for that job would choose the male and give some pathetic excuse like inadequate company affiliated work experience as an excuse for not hiring the woman so its covert sexism/sex discrimination.And furthermore there are many women who are competent but may not be ambitious enough to want the number one job because that means more responsibility at work and if they happen to have a •••• arsed husband who takes no responsibility at home whatsoever,then not only do they have to work hard at their job but come home and do everything since they married some ••••••• •••••••.So women prefer to take the next highest position so that they can balance work, home, family and the other thousand things that they are involved in.So Amitabh get with the real world cos youre way behind.
| By Steven Rene on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 10:16 am: |
Hello,
I've certainly met some great people on the internet. I've often reflected about the great internet possibilities of anyone being able to ventilate anything about anything.
When I read the above however, I'm in serious doubt about these idealistic views...
Anyway, for the those with a genuine interest, I justed wanted to announce that that web page of the 'International conference on dowry, brideburning and son-preference, Delhi 2001 has been updated.
http://www.psy.kuleuven.ac.be/incap/Home/Dowry/conference/conference.html
Regards,
Steven Rene M.
| By geetha on Wednesday, August 23, 2000 - 01:35 pm: |
I have two daughters, six and three, and enjoy them very much. But I want my third one to be a boy. Is there any proven technique for making sure that I conceive a boy? I certainly don't want to take the steps of aborting a potentially female fetus, but beyond that, is there any timing, chemical, surgical method to increase chances of boy baby?
All my brothers and sisters as well as my husband's brothers and sisters have conceived only girls. Grandparents on both sides would love to see one of us deliver a boy.
| By Rania on Monday, December 11, 2000 - 08:30 am: |
LEENA, I AM NOT TO SURE WHAT U MEANT WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOUR FATHER PERFERS YOU OVER YOUR BROTHER. I UNDERSTAND IT CAN GET TO YOU THAT YOUR BROTHER MIGHT BE LOVED MORE THAN YOU BECAUSE HE IS A BOY, BECAUSE OF WHAT WE SEE IN INDIAN SOCIETY, BUT THE MEANING OF THIS IS NOT THAT INDIAN PARENTS DON'T LOVE THERE DAUGHTERS, WE DO HAVE A SEXIST CULTURE BUT THE SEXISM IS NOT RELATED TO THE LOVE PARENTS HAVE FOR THERE CHILDREN.
| By Anonymous on Sunday, February 11, 2001 - 08:45 am: |
I am an American university professor/author revising my college-level world geography text for the 2nd edition. In the chapter on South Asia, it has occurred to me to write a short paragraph about this site as an example of how Internet use in India is an instrument for positive change. It comes at the end of a section in which I, as sensitively as possible, try to explain the social context for son preference, bride burning and female infanticide. I would like to have your approval for including the website address and will be glad to forward the material as presently written in rough draft. This is not a request to post material.
Indiafamily network reply
Dear Sir
Yes, you are welcome to use the materials in their proper context. If you have any further questions kindly post on any of the boards or contact our chief moderator Mr. Pk Kapila at pk@hindustan.net
or for any questions contact : network@indiafamily.net
Best regards
editor
| By Anonymous on Monday, March 26, 2001 - 08:42 am: |
Dear sir,
My name is suresh deokar My Brother is missing sience jan. 2000 from Mumbai(India),his name is VIJAY BHASKAR DEOKAR he is 35 , how can you help me to find him, and how can i register his name throughout india in missing person bureau, or in all over world, please contact me on line email sureshdeokar@yahoo.com, or my postal address is 277 sahar road, leela kunj, koldongri Andheri (east) mumbai 400069 INDIA. TEL NO. 022-8395273.
Regards
Suresh
| By Steven Marchand on Saturday, April 14, 2001 - 04:06 am: |
Dear friends,
A review of 5th International Conference on dowry, Brideburning, and sonpreference mentioned above, is now available from www.gurgaonharyana.com
Reflections on Conference Efficacy, & Facilitation Mechanisms in Social Agitation.
- A review of the 5th International Conference on Dowry, Brideburning and Son-Preference in India -
Held in New Delhi, 27-30 January, India International Centre
Steven Marchand,
Anthropologist
INCAP Bureau of Anthropology
& South East Asia Studies
BELGIUM
www.psy.kuleuven.ac.be/incap
incap@india.com
More pages on our work against dowry abuse on the INCAP web site
www.psy.kuleuven.ac.be/incap
| By Kamala on Wednesday, August 29, 2001 - 10:45 pm: |
My dear Indian brothers and sisters,
It is true. I know my father does love me just as much as my brother, but he treats me differently. He spends more time with, talks to, and laughs with my brother. He praises my brother often, but when I make wonder grades or the soccer team, he is proud, but not like he is proud of my brother- especially the soccer team part. Now tell me, why can't a girl do everything a boy can do with the same love, treatment, justice, and opportunity? And because I am not always a quiet and instead rather outgoing and atheletic, does it mean that I am not graceful and rather a disgraceful girl? My father is wonderful and not as strict as many Indian parents, but I feel oppressed by the culture. Still, I am proud. Love always, Kamala
| By Lyah on Monday, September 24, 2001 - 12:52 am: |
I'm concerned about what some in India are doing to their daughters as well as to their sons. I'm an American female who at times will use internet chat. The rooms are full of indian boys in their early twentys evedently seeking out foreign girls. No matter where you go, which country, these boys are there. A good 90% from India. I ask them "don't you have any girls in your country"? Some are very sweet but some are very desperate. I think the parents should think about what they are doing to their sons future since they refuse to think about their beautiful little baby girls future by brutally killing them.
| By Anonymous on Friday, September 28, 2001 - 11:44 pm: |
Geetha,
Good sex creates baby boys. Since Indians are not really into their own sexuality, this is the reason most have girls.
| By concerned on Tuesday, October 02, 2001 - 08:04 pm: |
The previous comment has got to be one of the most
stupid things I have ever read in my life.
Anyway, I think I am luckier than most. As an
uppercaste malayalee girl, I come from a culture
which is rare in that it is one of the few
matriarchal systems left in the world. Girls are
valued because they carry the bloodline, and never in
my upbringing or childhood have I ever heard my
parents or any members of my family wish they had a
boy. This is possibly because they are unlike many of
these needy, parasitic parents who want sons so they
can sit around and do nothing for the rest of their
lives. Hope I have daughters.
| By NP on Thursday, October 04, 2001 - 11:25 pm: |
Anonymous: You are a big A-HOLE!!! you hear me...that's right. Gender has nothing to do with good and bad sex, you idiot... I had worst sex life with my husband, but I got all THREE boys, no girl.
Let me ask you how old are you. It seems so me you need to grow up and it takes a very long ride for you "LOOSER"
NP
West Virginia