Will You Marry A Widow Widower ?
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In a certain period of Indian life, Widows were supposed to be considered almost as outcastes. Certain 'castes' did not allow the re-marriage of a widow and the cases of suffering of such women are replete in our literature. The reforms in last 150 years, have led us to get rid of such stupid concepts and now a widow can and should re-marry after a certain period of mourning.

According to psycho-analysts and therapists, it is extremely important that a widow or widower should mourn for a reasonable amount of time, to coop with the loss, angst and frustration of imbalance.

Death of a marriage partner can be an enormous loss and quite damaging but it is repairable and i believe that it has nothing to do with religion, fortune, luck or kismet and other fantasies. Death of all of us is imminent, yet an untimely death is quite sad and painful. Only who has lost someone can appreciate this vacuum and extra ordinary wound in the soul.

Fortunately with education, urban growth widows and widowers can re-do their lives with proper support of friends yet in our rural areas, life for a widow, especially at a very young age is still a H E L L.
She is hounded and tortured mentally by sarcasm, strong and insensitive comments by people of village. Some people even want to take an advantage of the widows and she is condemned to live a monk's life by force. She is supposed to live a bit isolated life, wearing white sari and the period of a forced mourning can be quite prolonged.

BUT fortunately intelligent and educated people also exist in our villages, and because of their intervention and the will power of the girl, the things can be bright for her.

We need to however, change our views on Widows and Widowers and accept them as normal human beings. It is not their fault if this calamity falls upon them.

In the state of Orissa, a widower may marry a widow in most castes; if a bachelor intends to do so, he is first married to a tree; which is to cut down so as to make him symbolically a widower.

The most unbelieving thing is that the so called lower-castes of India; believed in re-marriage of widows.
But some such people imitated 'higher castes' just to be regarded as respectable.

The levirate is found among low castes and aboriganls ei the custom whereby a widow marries a brother of her deceased husband. It differs in several respects from the LEVIRATE of the Jews described in Deuteronomy, for the widow need not be a childless widow, she can marry only a younger brother of her late husband; and the marriage is not obligatory as among the Jews, but optional.
In most of these castes of India, either party could refuse the union but it was regarded and still done, as the proper thing for the woman to marry again in this way, and the caste people will try to persuade her, if she is reluctant, though they will not force the marriage on her.

Things have now started changing among higher castes of people of India and specially among Indian people residing in other countries.
If you know of any widows and widowers and their re-marriage please kindly write and let us see how can we bring about some reforms in our societies by a healthy and sane discussion. We must learn from other societies of the world and introduce some fresh approach. It is timely and we must face it.
India has as many widows and widowers in average as anywhere else in the world.
They must re-marry and continue the path of married life they are used to after a certain period and we all must support such marriages without any prejudices.

Love to all
Sincerely
Pk Kapila
By kamal on Thursday, October 28, 1999 - 09:12 pm:

Hi, I wanna ask your advise on what to do? I have fallen in love with a widower and I know that I wanna marry him,but my parents won't let me because he's a widower. So what should i do? Should i marry him or listen to my parents?He is also a lot older then me like by 9 years. I'm only 20.

By Princess on Thursday, October 28, 1999 - 09:49 pm:

Kamal,

Are you in a relationship with this man? Are you dating? How long have you known him? 20 and 29 is not a big deal if you are mentally closer to eachothers age. He is a widower not a sinner. What is the big deal if he was married before? If it doesn't bother you and you love him then you should fight for it.

On the other hand at 20 I'm assuming you haven't finished all your studying and standing on your own feet and are still under your parents umbrella. If you are then you need to be tactful and kind to their feelings.

Family is very important however you shouldn't accept them saying they don't like him simply because he is a widower. Their reasoning has to be deeper and stronger to that so listen to it. On the other hand if you haven't even discussed this with them maybe you should start finding out what they feel about it.

By Kamal on Friday, October 29, 1999 - 12:45 am:

Thanks, for your advise Princess. It was really appreciated. I'll talk to my parents about it. Thanks again.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 04, 2000 - 08:56 am:

kamal
my name is kamal patel ,my wife was expired before 9 months at time of delivery of my second kids, i have two children i is son 9 years old and second is daugter 9 months old,
now my parents are insists me for re-marreage ,and telling me to select girl who can look after my kids,such type of girl is difficult to find out,if i re-marreage then in futher issue with new wife will bw also problem,i am very much confusion about my self,my kids and my parents
what is your advice what type of decision i have to take,wather i should marreage with widow only or fress girl,

By Bindu on Friday, July 28, 2000 - 02:23 am:

Kamal
I am sorry about the untimely demise of your wife. In fact I lost my husband quite young and at that time I had two children. It is indeed difficult to find someone who will take care of your children. Yes, I did remarry but I married a widower because I felt he will understand my pain and suffering but his children were mean to me for a long period of time and now they totally love me because I was a strong pillar in their lives. It is possible to find happiness and it takes one special person to do it. Yes, there will always differences because of the children and that is the adjustment and understanding you will have to endure. You have to recoganize it will never be the same. ADJUSTMENT WILL HAVE TO BE THE MIDDLE NAME!
sincerly
Bindu

By akbar on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 01:32 pm:

Widows in Islam:---Widows are the unfortunate victims of nature and for centuries there has been ill treatment to them. I have a lot of sympathy for widows as taught in Islam. Islam permits a man to marry more than one woman, if he wishes so. Prophet Mohammed's life is a practical example not only to Muslims but also to rest of the world. It is worth noting that only one of his wives was a virgin and all others were widows. This proves how much he loved and respected the widows and how he solve this social problem. (a Muslim who has more than one wife, all virgins, is not a true follower of Prophet Mohammed). I would suggest that other religions should not have objection for married men to marry widows as additional wives, rather than supporting the burning of widows or their ill treatment by the society.

By Vijay Kumar on Thursday, January 11, 2001 - 09:30 pm:

Marriage, according to Hinduism, is a sacred bond and does not come to an end with the death of a partner. The barbaric religion of Islam considers it to be a social contract with the result that after the death of husband the woman forgets him and marries again. She amy marry ten times after successive deaths of her husbands and enjoy sex without the least memory of her husbands. Some Hindus who think that widows should have the right to marry have embraced the barbaric Islam. They are not Hindus.

By Indira on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 03:11 am:

nishant
what kind of an advert is this"she's fair slim and beautiful". are you pimping this poor girl or what? she must be devastated and ready to go home to her people. what makes you so confident that she can trust someone again and also who's to say the next person will use her like the last one did? let her go home to her parents and take time to heal from such a terrible ordeal.she sounds like she really needs a break.pleaz realise it's not about staying in US where life is supossedly better but about her emotional/mental state.whats the point of having everything materialistic when your heart is hurt?she needs to find peace, she needs to be with her people right now for emotional support.

By Editor on Friday, June 01, 2001 - 07:49 pm:

Indira

You must not use such harsh words for Nishant. He is just trying to help a person in distress.

If they want to find a suitable match for her, there is nothing wrong.

Any way due to our policy of not allowing advertising we are removing the post, however we do have sympathy for the poster for his good faith and will.

By anyal on Thursday, July 05, 2001 - 01:55 am:

hi i'm anyal from agra india i want a true friendship for long life i

By Anonymous on Friday, July 13, 2001 - 08:45 am:

Hi, my name is Aman I am 24 years old I was engaged to a guy for almost 3 years and were planning to get married but my fiance died in a car accident 9 months ago, what should I do now,my life seems like it has no meaning, and I am still very close to his parents.

By Mirah on Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 03:25 am:

To the person that lost their boyfriend in car accident.
Well, I have no idea how u feel at all. But it's going to take time for u to get on your feet and fall in love again. It maight take years and years and I bet u when u do fall in love. And as for his parents I guess they would be happy for that u found somebody. Anyways your still young and you just got to hang in there. Take care.....

By Danny on Friday, September 07, 2001 - 10:07 am:

Are you waiting for that special person who you Loved to return?Forget that lie,but place that person in your heart and hope that you will see them again,for you will someday but not as a singled out Lover only as you see everyone else!!!!

By loveprem on Sunday, September 16, 2001 - 06:58 pm:

hi,
i am married for 13 years and due to medical problem my wife cant conceive and have a child . if i have second marry with the consent of my wife and have a child from other wife. i wish to marry a widow or divorced lady . so by this way i can do something good as well as have a child.

please advise.

prem

By Indira on Wednesday, September 19, 2001 - 05:38 am:

Prem
adopt a child there are so many out there that need a good home. I'm sure your wife will welcome this solution better.and u will be a father and do something good at the same time

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