| By Editor (Admin) on Thursday, December 17, 1998 - 08:14 pm: |
India-Helicopter Wedding
BANGALORE, India -- After getting married last year atop an elephant, Karim Abbas wanted his younger brother to have a memorable wedding as well
-- so he set the ceremony in an airborne helicopter.Thousands of residents of Alipur village in southern Karnataka state who had never seen a Helicopter before gathered Sunday to watch the "bird" descend on a dry farm field. The bride and groom were accompanied by two Islamic clergymen who administered
the vows during the 20-minute flight."It was such an extraordinary feeling that words fail me," said the groom,Zamin Abbas. The Abbas family could not afford the usual cost of hiring a helicopter, but the owner reduced the price because of the novelty.
| By Anonymous on Thursday, December 31, 1998 - 08:56 pm: |
Well, pomp and show in a poor country??
People have to become responsible citizens first. If they realize all the show-off which is going to cost them can help rehabilitate a poor family, then they would think twice before spending huge sums on such marriage ceremonies!
We are not very socially committed people. We would like to spend a huge sum on our personal things, but when it comes to community welfare, we lack the spirit.
| By Tinga on Friday, January 01, 1999 - 05:19 am: |
Hie guys, I'm a black girl from Malawi,C.Africa.I don't know much about india,but reading some books has helped me a lot to know something about it.I see no reason why the above anonymous writer should write something about that,what you have to remember is marriage is like opening a new chapter to your life so for a chapter to be worth remembered you have to have a unique opening.Yes, we might say that what these people did was like looking down upon the poor but in reality it wasn't, remember how life is so unfair you find some dancing some crying so let's bear with them they wanted to have a unique opening in life,they had it let's congratulate them and wish them good.When you are rich or have an advantage over someone in life let's enjoy so long as we don't over do it.Who knows maybe these people had ever wanted to have a wedding like this, it was their dream, so shouldn't they fulfil their dream because some one is poor no.It was also good for the other people who had never seen a plane, they saw it,if they had a dream of seeing one their dreams were fulfilled.Happy New Year.
| By PK on Friday, January 01, 1999 - 06:28 am: |
Hi Tinga
Well you are right. The weddings are unique occasions. But the matter of concern is that it is usually abused by the very rich and they give a rather bad example to the majority of not-so-rich people; who tend to imitate the expensive weddings, which they are unable to afford. This causes great friction in our society and pressures many people to go for unusual ways to collect funds to arrange expensive weddings. The show is only for few hours but it does imbalances the economy of the family specially of the girl.
I think that the best way to celebrate is to for a less expensive function and provide the funds for future of the newly wed couple. This way they have something to start with.
At present, the rather not-so-rich people, which are in majority have to undergo great deal of suffering for the 'social prestige' and shame etc. If the rich and known people give good example other people will follow them. Even in richer societies of USA and Europe the weddings are usually a very simple affair in most cases. I like the custom where the friends and relative buy gifts and cash to the couple as appreciation which they can use for the rest of their lives.
One does not really require pomp and show and big spending to enjoy friends company and a good celebration! Anyway happy new year and hoping that all goes better in coming years.
| By Lauren on Sunday, February 07, 1999 - 12:40 am: |
Hello!! My name is Lauren and I'm doing this report for English on arranged marriages. If anyone could help me out by giving me some information on this topic, I would really appreciate it. If you could just take a few minutes and e-mail some information to me, it would be great!
Thanks,
LMR1983@aol.com
| By Princess on Friday, February 26, 1999 - 01:17 am: |
Hi Lauren,
Feel free to email me or IM me anytime. I'd be happy to help you with your project.
NYCPrncss@aol.com
| By Menakshi on Saturday, March 13, 1999 - 04:15 am: |
Yes small wedding is what I would like to have which is celebrated luxuriously with people whom I care for. Oh forgot he would have his gang too :-) that I will have to start caring for as well.
This is what someone can do if they really want to spend money but not waste it..
1. Pick a exotic spot anywhere in world where your friends and family haven't been
2. Send them all tickets to come there. Could be a cruise...could be 5 days on the beach somewhere...:-) If your granma is modern enough to enjoy that :-)
3. No gifts...they are hassle anyway.
| By Saralyn on Sunday, March 14, 1999 - 02:14 am: |
I am writing a paper on the use of mehndi in current fashion. From my research I have found it to be quite the craze in ads and it appearing on the bodies of many celebrities most notably Madonna. However, I am trying to discover the origin of this fad and if it is a misunderstood and misused part of its original culture.
If anyone has any information or thoughts on this topic please let me know.I may be contacted at
Ruth5000@ aol.com
thank you,
Saralyn R. Grant
| By Lilly on Friday, March 19, 1999 - 06:31 pm: |
I think that marriges are very beazutiful in
india. Living in the United states and marrying a
American man is hard decision to make knowing that
he only wants an American wedding and not an
indian wedding. I told him about putting the two
together and he doesn't know.What do
| By lilly on Friday, March 19, 1999 - 06:37 pm: |
Hi Saralyn, My name is lilly and i will tell you
one thing, Mandi is very beautiful body art work.
I remember making mandi as a child and designing
it on my hands ana legs. I see grooms and brides
in Indian wedding have ot in there arms and legs.
In India it very ceremonial and people wear it all
the
| By joseph on Friday, March 19, 1999 - 08:22 pm: |
Hi Lilly,
I am assuming that both of you are of different religious background besides of different cultural background.
Do you know what are the reasons behind his refusal? Is it financial, or some short of misconception, or fear that his part of family may not approve of it? find out the reason first and than you can have solutions to that. Even if it is an issue of approval of family members, that should be tackled directly starting from parents and downwards, and customize the Indian wedding accordingly. I bet you will have enough participants in both ceremonies and lot of them will support you both.
A generalization. Sometimes guys need to realize that women in particular have this dream and visualization about the wedding much more than men. Besides that, this is a once in a lifetime event, and both of you should be able to fulfill your wishes. Right?
| By Princess on Friday, March 19, 1999 - 08:38 pm: |
Joseph,
You are right on one thing...women have dreams since they are children on the kind of wedding they will have. Moreover in Indians having a appropriate wedding is a big deal for everyone involved. I know that as American as I am I couldn't just go to court get married and have a huge party. My mother would be very upset. I'm her only daughter. She's waited for me to get married a long time. I couldn't deprive her or my family of that pleasure. Besides guys don't sit and consciously dream about what kind of wedding they are going to have. Most of the guys I know don't care really. They just want it over with.
Lily, as far as the traditional differences. I've been to plenty of mixed weddings and they were done beautifully. A lot of the couples chose to have both ceremonies but short versions of it. Couples where the girl was Indian they chose to have a traditional Indian ceremony in the afternoon and then a small American one in the evening right before the reception where the girl wore a white gown. In situations where the groom was Indian they had a American religious wedding and then the reception was Indian with a small ceremony.
I think what's important is that you have a ceremony that you are both happy with and content with. This is your wedding day together. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. Make the decision together with your significant other.
Good luck.
| By Vijay on Saturday, March 20, 1999 - 12:52 am: |
Princess,
Are you sure your mother would be really unhappy if you do what you like? It doesn't matter if a person is upset, coz everyone is upset one time or the other. Are you willing to be sacrifice your happiness just to make your mother happy?
Or will your mother be happy knowing you are not fully happy with your marriage?
And if you think guys dont care about their marriage ceremony you may be right, but there are some guys who dream about their weddings too. Just like a women may dream about her wedding, men too dream about it, atleast i do.
And if you have money, spend it. Its once (#?!) in a lifetime, and when are you going to celebrate it. But dont force your inlaws to spend all their money, just becoz you want a big wedding. Atleast in our culture, we do the wedding so i can do whatever i want in my marriage and i will do whatever i can to make everyone happy!
| By Princess on Saturday, March 20, 1999 - 03:32 am: |
Vijay,
My mother would never be unhappy as long as I was happy. I was trying to make a point not to dwell too much on it. I know there are things I've always wanted and I know my mother will do everything in her power to make it happen for me. In the meantime I know that she's been wanting to do a lot of things and I wouldn't deprive her off it. It's a symbiotic relationship not a compromise. I consider it my happiness if I can give my mother that.
As far as the inlaws money I'm not sure what you are talking about....I'm intending to get married with my own money and whoever marries me. What do inlaws have to do with it?
And if you are Indian I'm sure you know no one can force anyone on the guys side to spend any kind of money they don't want to. The pressure is usually on the girls side. However I know that this situation won't affect me simply because I don't follow those silly norms. If I can't afford something I sure as hell wouldn't expect someone to fork over the money.
| By Vijay on Wednesday, March 24, 1999 - 12:41 am: |
Princess,
In india, we follow different traditions and people of different caste do things differently. But I do agree the marriage pressure is usually on the girls side.
Argh., i couldn't say anything positive about india for its an unbelievable mixture of extreme lifestyles. We have rich, middle and poor classes but then there are umpteen number of subclasses within them. Add them to all the different religions, caste and languages and I dont know who i stand for when i make a comment.
God, what the heck is happening in India? By the way princess can we start a new discussion thread with the topic "I HATE INDIA".
| By Princess on Wednesday, March 24, 1999 - 05:14 am: |
Awww Vijay,
We shouldn't start hatred like that. We are better than that. I think the purpose of having a discussion board is to voice our opinions constructively and intelligently. Simply saying we hate India is so ambigious. There are reasons why people hate India for. And thus we have several different discussions so that we can hear everyone clearly and state our point and argue it if we have to.
| By curious on Thursday, March 25, 1999 - 04:09 am: |
hello
I would like to know more about india's cultures.
I have a penpal there and very interested in knowing his culture. And if you have any information for me,i would appreciate it.
| By nadia on Friday, March 26, 1999 - 07:34 am: |
ny name is nadia and i am also doing an english report on arranged marriages in canada so write to me and tell me your thoughts. I would appreciate any input
thanks
| By SANDY on Wednesday, March 31, 1999 - 08:14 am: |
I HAVE DATED AN INDIAN MAN FOR ALMOST THREE YEARS. HE LEFT AMERICA IN JANUARY (WHEN HE ARRIVED HIS MOTHER DIED ONE WEEK LATER) HE HAS NOT RETURNED YET AND IS VERY DISTANT WHEN HE TALKS TO ME. SAYS HIS AUNT WANTS TO ARRANGE A MARRIAGE. WHEN I ASKED IF WE WERE THROUGH, HE REPLYED THAT WE WOULD TALK ABOUT IT WHEN HE RETURNED TO CHICAGO (HE HAS ONLY CALLED 4 TIMES IN ALL THIS TIME). HE HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED AND IS 44. I AM WIDOWED WITH 4 GROWN CHILDREN AND AM 57. I TOLD HIM TO FIND SOMEONE YOUNG AND HAVE A FAMILY AND HE INSISTED HIS HEART SAYS I AM THE WOMAN FOR HIM AND THEN THIS WHAT A DISASTER! I AM MISERABLE. IF THIS IS HOW GOD WANTS HIM TO TREAT ME THEN SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG SOMEWHERE! ANY INSIGHT WOULD HELP AND THANK YOU!
| By Princess on Wednesday, March 31, 1999 - 01:51 pm: |
Sandy,
I'm sorry I know it hurts. But the best thing to do is move on. Most or rather the average Indian men won't marry someone older then them. Secondly anyone that hasn't been married won't marry someone who has been and has children. Perhaps his heart says one thing but rest assured he may not follow it. It is all a fantasy for him perhaps. There are too many odds against him. To tell you the truth if he's educated and makes decent money in the US he will find himself a much much younger wife in India.
His not calling you is an indication. If he says that he will talk about it when he returns then so be it but how long will that be? Are you sure he isn't married already?
Good luck!
| By Priya on Saturday, April 24, 1999 - 01:26 am: |
Sandy,
Princess is right. Indian men won't go for an older woman and that too with children. If you are rich, you probably have a better chance. Howmuchever he loved/loves you, when it is the question of marriage, Indian men lack courage. This lack of courage usually portrayed as parental disapproval. I do agree that Indian parents (most of them) prefer rich bride for their son because it brings pride to their family. It may be silly to hear that money alone brings pride, but 90% of the Indian parents look for only very rich bride for their sons.
I am not sure about your background (like caste, colour, creed, race etc.,) as it has enormous impact in one's decision making process regarding marriage. Inspite of all the barriers, if he truly loves you and above all he has the courage to marry you, hats off to him!!! But wait until how treats you after marriage. Indian men, by nature are not wife beaters or abusers in any way, but they are too good to mentally abuse you thro' their so called parents/relatives (by not supporting you openly at the time of need). May be it is best for you to move on and be happy in your own way. Be careful and be sure of what is in store for you if you go ahead with the marriage.
Good Luck.
| By Simi on Tuesday, May 04, 1999 - 09:44 am: |
Hi,
I stumbled upon this board and find it interesting. My daughter, American, married a young man from India last yr. They had dated a number of yrs and were engaged but hadn't planned to marry for a few yrs while both completed their education. She hadnt spent much time around his folks as they lived in different cities and I think they hoped he would marry someone from India. She found herself pregnant and they decided to get married. We met with his family & they were embarresed about the situation & wanted the baby kept a secret. They had a wonderful, traditional HIndu wedding which his family paid for most of ( we gave them apx 5,000 which was used to purchase things from India for the wedding.) They also had a few wks later the lavish White American Wedding ( not a religous ceremony.) It has been an adjustment for my daughter ( her refusal to live with his family & wanting their own place instead) but it is working. We have always adored this young man, respect his culture and his religion. I think we are probably more open minded that his, but they are very nice, warm, loving people. They have always said they will treat her as their daughter. They can be VERY forceful at times with t heir ideas but she can hold her own when it counts. The baby is the prettiest baby anywhere and the couple practice both their religions with both having mutal respect for the other. I still think the parents are disappointed in their son but they are doing their best. We are always welcome in the parents home when we visit, love the food and many of the traditions. So it CAN work, you just have to work harder!
| By dk on Monday, July 26, 1999 - 03:39 pm: |
I think marriage is a beautiful union between two...and probably nothing can come in between the couple if they understand the circumstances and fight it through..it's a challenge not only for the foreign bride who has to adjust to a totally different culture...but for the Indian bridegroom, it's a bigger challenge coz he has to make it happen for both sides...he's actually crushed and only sh ecan help me make it well..probably I am right...but i feel if the love is strong enough from both sides, they can make it....after all our folks want our happiness....but none can change them from what they have been since all these years...probably the younger generation need to a bit more brave in taking the situation as it comes and strive to keep it up
| By Anu on Monday, September 06, 1999 - 11:31 am: |
Hello
I am in a quandary and I hope there is someone out there who can shed some light on my situation.
My boyfriend and I are both Hindus and we are planning on getting married. We were both born in the Western world and so were our parents. We are both educated. I wish to retain my father's surname but add my boyfriend's name after marriage. However, my boyfriend believes that this is a breach of the Hindu marriage vows. I believe that I am being practical and I do not think that I am cheapening the marriage in any way at all.
Can anyone give me some feedback on this. I will really appreciate your opinions.
Thank you.
| By Princess on Monday, September 06, 1999 - 02:00 pm: |
Anu,
If this is important to you explain this to your boyfriend. Your name and your fathers name is part of your identity and who you are and what you've had all your life. Hindu customs aside discuss this with your boyfriend in a heart to heart talk and tell him how you feel. There is nothing wrong with your decision but regardless of customs and traditions you need to convay that to him and reassure him that you love him and it is not a reflection on your relationship.
| By Spanish King on Monday, September 06, 1999 - 03:25 pm: |
Anu
I am Spanish and married a Hindu (Brahmin) woman. We did not have a religious wedding. She continues to practice her religion as I practice my own. We are raising our child as a Brahmin.
In Spanish custom women do not change there surname, they keep the Father's name and do not add the husbands name. This is what we did because that is my custom and she agreed to it.
I do not know how this can be done having a Hindu wedding but I just wanted to share that with you. But I do think you should speak to your boyfriend about this and maybe you can speak to a Pandit and see what he has to say about this.
Let us know how it goes. Take care
| By Anu on Monday, September 06, 1999 - 08:54 pm: |
Princess,
Thank you for your opinion. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that my decision to retain my father's name and add his does not cheapen our relationship in anyway and by no means does it lessen my love and affection for him. However, he is very myopic when it comes to this issue and refuses to see things my way. After all, I am not telling him that I will never take his name.....I most certainly will but I am adding it to my existing name. The name I have now is my identity.
I have been known by that name since my birth and I cannot suddenly stop being that person.
| By Anu on Monday, September 06, 1999 - 08:56 pm: |
Spanish King,
Thank you very much for responding. I appreciate your words od wisdom.
| By Princess on Tuesday, September 07, 1999 - 12:02 pm: |
Anu,
I agree with you. You aren't being reasonable. Perhaps this is the time to sit down and discuss a lot of things that may be in your future while you are still not married. If something so petty as the name you keep after you get married is being such an issue now with your boyfriend you should try to get a clearer picture of all the things that will change after you get married. Good luck.
| By shelley on Monday, September 27, 1999 - 06:08 am: |
hi To anyone who could help me, I have been dating a guy from india who is in college getting his masters degree.
We both love each other very much, I'm the very first american that he has had as a friend. When we first started talking we would talk for hours, everynight and then we finally meet for the first time and we spent time together. We both live in different states, so we travel to see each other for weeks at a time.
But when we had meet it was like i have known him for my whole life. He was shocked to know i actually had the same views as him, for me being an american. We fell in love, but there is one thing wrong his parents! He is afraid they will disagree. He does not want to disappoint them. I can understand that, but in my opinion if you love someone so deeply the two should show there parents how much they care for each other and they can work things out no matter what. He came to the US for studies not to meet an amercian girl. So he has asked me to wait for 2ys he will graduate in may of 2000 and he will get a good paying job so he can help his family and save money. That will be in 2yrs time of doing that. Then he will ask there approval of marriage. He is afraid they will say no and i'm afraid. I have told him i would wait for him. I pray everynight that this will work out between us. We have went through ups and downs so far and nothing has changed between us..we love each other so very much. I'm afraid i will lose the best thing that has happened to me. I have found my SoulMate!! I can lose him if his parents disagrees! If anyone could help me or give me advice i would greatly appreciate that thank you. You can email me at Sweet_Rose_78_98@yahoo.com
| By scott on Monday, October 04, 1999 - 04:14 am: |
Hi, I'm looking for some advice.
I'm a Canadian man getting married to an Indian (sikh) woman. We would like to combine both our cultures into one ceremony but are having trouble figuring out how. Her parents are not against this idea, but say there is nothing in the sikh ceremony that can be extracted. About 65% of the people attending are not indian and will have trouble understanding an entirely indian wedding (although they're all looking forward to the experience).
If anyone has suggestions on how to combine a mixed wedding please let us know.
| By Princess on Monday, October 04, 1999 - 04:38 am: |
Scott,
They really are both very different. Why not do two short ceremonies. Most people get bored in long drawn out ceremonies and become restless. Maintain what is very important to you and have two seperate ceremonies maybe one in the morning....the Indian one usually and take a break in the afternoon and have a evening American wedding followed by a reception. I hope you get suggestions from Savarna our resident interracial marriage expert :-)
| By Qayum on Wednesday, November 24, 1999 - 08:12 pm: |
SCOTT
The Sikh wedding has to be done in the traditional Sikh way or it will not be valid. You must carry out the seven round (pharay) around the Granth Sahib after seven readings. But as Princess says why dont you have two ceremonies. You must ask the Giani (Sikh priest) if two ceremonies can be done on the same day, or at what time does the Sikh ceremony have to be carried out. Good luck, and all the best for the future!!
| By Kulpreet Singh on Monday, January 17, 2000 - 09:08 pm: |
Hi All,
stumbled on this page by chance! Fascinating!
What some of us are trying to turn into personal/regional issues are actually world wide issues so "I hate the world" may be more appropriate!
TO SCOTT, the sikh marriage is pretty set and a very short procedure .. a short prayer asking for permission and assistance from "above" standing up facing teh holy text; four rounds around the holy text ; another prayer for thanks and guidance for "rest of life" and done! can't really combine with any other type of ceremony. many sikhs actually perform the above and then several hindu rites afterwards... cool stuff, if done well... happy life bud!
kulpreet
| By Melody on Monday, March 13, 2000 - 08:07 am: |
Hello all my daughter is doing a report for her 4th grade class on marriage ceremonies, and the culture of the marriage in India. Such as it being arranged and the pride price, as well as the dowry. Could anyone please send us some information asap. We have had no luck getting any information of the internet so far and time is running out and we need this information by tomorrow to day is really the 12th of March 2000. Thanks, and good surfing.
| By Melody on Monday, March 13, 2000 - 08:10 am: |
Hello all my daughter is doing a report for her 4th grade class on marriage ceremonies, and the culture of the marriage in India. Such as it being arranged and the bride price, as well as the dowry. Could anyone please send us some information asap. We have had no luck getting any information of the internet so far and time is running out and we need this information by tomorrow to day is really the 12th of March 2000. Thanks, and good surfing.
| By Georgina on Sunday, March 19, 2000 - 09:32 pm: |
Hello, my name is Georgina. I am originally Irish but living in England now. My fiance Sat was born in England and his family originate from the Punjab in India. We are getting married in the Irish traditional way back in Dublin in June. We would like to include a reading of some kind in the church from an Indian or Sikh point of view - something like an Indian proverb or something like that, but we have been unsuccessful so far in finding one. Could anyone be kind enough to suggest something or point us in the right direction. Thanks
| By Leena on Tuesday, March 21, 2000 - 12:52 am: |
Georgina, try the Indian Marriage Rituals, Traditions, Customs ? How Meaningful In Modern World ? link....that might have some information. Congratulations! :)
| By Honey on Friday, June 23, 2000 - 05:00 am: |
Hi I'm looking for advice. I have been invited to a Sikh wedding and I don't know much about them. I don't know what to wear and what my boyfriend should wear. We are really worried about attracting the wrong sort of attention and would hate to embarass the groom. Can any body give me some tips or dos and don'ts? Thanks
| By savraj on Friday, June 23, 2000 - 11:05 pm: |
Honey
You can wear anything that does not show Inappropriate parts of your body. Make sure your legs and upper body is well covered. I'm sure you will go to the gurdwara (temple) for the religious ceremony or maybe the Holy Book (Guru Granth Shaib) will be brought to the hall or house where the ceremony will be performed. So make sure you take a scarf to cover your head because everybody who is in the presense of the holy book has to cover their head (both male and female). In the temple the head scarves are usuly provided.
You boyfriend can wear good sunday church suit or business suit. The punjabi men usually wear formal pant suit at the wedings.
| By Jat Punjabi on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 12:50 am: |
Pathetic - isn't it?
| By Brokendove on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 10:57 am: |
I have been searching high and low for resources on interracial indian couples....
I am australian and my partner is indian(hindu) we both want to marry but his family is against it...
was seeking out someone to chat to about it...
| By Anonymous on Friday, October 06, 2000 - 03:46 am: |
I am doing a term paper regarding the population problem in India. Specifically how America has tried to offer Indians money to use birthcontrol because their people are reproducing so much to have more hands for farm work. The main problem is this means more people and poverty. My paper should envince a broad interdisciplinary understanding of this topic and incorporate the value of Stewardship. Do we have the right and should we try to help? I'll need more indepth information on their culture and our current position in the U.S. Any information will be greatly appreciated. Thank You!
Kathleen
| By Inawe on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 09:40 am: |
Hi,
I think that I have met the man of my dreams. There is just one drawback. I do not know if he is looking to marry because of the green card. He is an Indian living in UAE and I am an American citizen. We are to be married this year! I love him, but...I am afraid. We have known each other 8 months. We have met and I have met his family in India.
| By Anonymous on Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 09:55 pm: |
Inawe, You can bring him here on Fiance visa - K1 or something like that. Is he afraid as well? What are you fearful about? If you truly love each other, why don't you both work on it together on the problem? Also, if you see any evidence that he is using you to get a green card, you should re-evaluate your relationship with him.
| By mit on Thursday, October 19, 2000 - 01:07 am: |
Dear Brokendove,
if you want to marry you should go for it. Whilst it is "nice" to have the parents approval it really isn't necessary.
I am an Australian guy and last month married a hindu girl( Sri Lankan decent ) and couldn't be happier.I have known her for 4 years. We had worked together for 1 1/2 years and lived together in that period. Her parents knew of me but disapproved....Primarily because her daughter was living with me.
2 years later, I met her parents for the first time whilst visiting her ( I had returned to Oz ) and let them know of my intentions to marry her...... They were extremely happy for the both of us. Last month they met a majority of my relatives and they all got on famously. I have a lot of respect for her parents and her sisters (4). We had a civil ceremony in a garden setting ( I have been married before ) and we are having the hindu ceremony in KL Malaysia in January.
My wife is my soulmate and I am so lucky to have found her. Approval or no approval we would have got married but obviously, it is great if the families are for it.
Follow what you both want and don't let external factors influence you, unless their reasoning bears some food for thought.
| By Anonymous on Friday, October 27, 2000 - 12:04 am: |
hi,
I am a Punjabi marrying a Bengali this December. Can you pls advice us how we can combine the 2 ceremonies. I am not a Sikh but am from Delhi.
| By groovy chic on Saturday, December 09, 2000 - 09:10 am: |
i am writing because i am looking for answers to my problem. 2 yrs ago i began chatting with this wonderful man from india. he is only three yrs older than me and we hit it off great.this fall over thanksgiving we met in kansas city for the first time. we had a wonderful time. when i returned home i finally told my parents what i thought they needed to know. my family is very closed minded and are not reacting very well to this situation. my friend who we were staying with in kansas thinks i have found a great guy and should not give up easily. he has yet to tell his family who live in india and he is scared. as i am a bit too both of our families reactions.i guess the one last important thing i should include is we both have talked of marriage, and i know this will be another issue with both our families. i really could use some advice as i am not quite sure what to do. i would appreciate any advice on this.
| By Rita on Sunday, December 10, 2000 - 02:09 pm: |
hey grooovy, if he's scared, dump him now. girl, a scared man is the last thing u need.
| By groovy chic on Sunday, December 10, 2000 - 11:14 pm: |
i think he is scared for the same reasons i am. family is a very important aspect in both our lives. but i have come to tell my family and he has yet to tell his. i know i am afraid of getting my heart broken becuase i really care for him. and i cuoldn't imagine him going back to india to do what his parents expect. i would rather him stand up for what he wants, and where he would be happiest. maybe you could give em some advice on what to say to him to help this situation. i eman we both really care for each other and everything, and we even talk on the phone for two hours every night. i have grown very attatched to this guy, and just want us to do what makes us happy.
| By Saredat on Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 11:52 pm: |
Lilly I take it that your Punjabi, how does your family feel about the wedding marring an american and are you guys going to share cultural concerts.
| By Kulpreet on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 12:57 pm: |
Hi,
I live in India and am working there... I lived in England while studying and had a couple of relationships with people of a different race. My point is that it is difficult if you are living in India to be able to fit in if your spouse is not Indian. I believe that if you wish to find happiness with a non Indian mate then it is best to live out of India.
Kulpreet
| By Lindsay on Monday, March 19, 2001 - 10:15 pm: |
Hi! I'm doing a project for a world issues class and would like information about arranged maariages. I am especially interested in geographic information. Any help would be appreciated.
| By Anonymous on Thursday, May 03, 2001 - 02:37 pm: |
thanx guys.
doing work on arranged marriages.
thanx for the help!
| By messageforSandy on Saturday, July 21, 2001 - 09:06 am: |
Message for Sandy who was fooled by the Indian man.
Sandy,
Firstly about 90% of the indian men do not love what love is. They fancy dating around and then having an arranged marriage with a girl who has never dated. This is the mentality - period.
In india you will find thousands of girls who have not dated. They are very attractive and so-called "homely". Indian men prefer those type - why? - because they can behave in any way they want with them.
The good indian men are those who have come in the United States for a Ph.D. or an M.S. at the age of 21. and have worked HARD for their career. They will never torture their wives, they always will dream about getting their wives the best in life. However this generation has just started to evolve and will never be a big generation in size.
all in all, this is what the mentality is. I highly recommend forgetting that person.
by the way, I am an Indian male myself, so I know how the mind thinks..
your well-wisher.
| By pinka on Tuesday, July 24, 2001 - 10:02 am: |
im doing this project on internet marriages -- it would of immense help if i would get some information on this.
thanks
| By yayati on Tuesday, July 24, 2001 - 07:23 pm: |
PK
PK ARE YOU MENTALLY DECREPIT? DONT YOU KNOW THAT MARRIAGE WAS ALWAYS FULL OF POMP! HEEEEEEEEEEEE IT WAS AM ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE WORLD OF TWO PEOPLE JOINING TOGETHER FOR SACRED VOWS HEEEEEEEEEE DULLARD, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT IN EVEN THE TIMES OF RAMAYANA WHEN RAMA GOT MARRIED TO SITA THE SAME THINGS HAPPENED AND THE PEOPLE THAT TENDED TO BENEFIT MOST OUT OF THESE WEDDINGS WERE THE POOR! IN THOSE ANCIENT TIMES THERE WAS NO NEWSPAPER, NO TELEPHONE ETC., SO WHEN A MARRIAGE WAS ACTED OUT IT HAD TO HAVE THE ACCPETANCE AND AWARENESS OF MORE THAN JUST THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY HEEEEEEEEEEEE AND TRADITION HAS BEEN PASSED ON HEEEEEEE THIS IS JUST ONE ASPECT, THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF ASPECTS LIKE THIS THAT ALL INTERELATE BUT I CANT BE ARSED TO EXPLAIN IT, IF YOU ARE SO DULL IN THE HEAD HOW AM I EXPECTED TO KNOW YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THEM WHEN I RELATE THEM TO YOU? HEEEEEEEEE
YOU ARE FOOLISH!!! ASKING THESE REDUNDANT QUESTIONS AND BACKING THEM UP WITH INANE CHATTER!!!! HEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
| By Anni on Tuesday, September 25, 2001 - 07:01 pm: |
I'm a designer working on an exhibition about the socio-political aspect of weddings, and stumbled onto this site while researching online. I find the comments and exchanges here fascinating.
I am wondering if anyone (Indian or whichever race, doesn't matter) could provide some more insight about the socio-political aspect about weddings. I read all the comments about the rich throwing extravagant and lavish weddings, and it becoming a burden on the not-so-rich, for it is difficult for them to imitate. My questions are -- Do the rich throw extravagant weddings on purpose, to demonstrate to the poor their wealth? By what means do the not-so-rich find funding to support an extravagant wedding? If a marrying couple were to have a not-so-expensive wedding, what would some of the gossip be said about this couple and their families? How much money do these rich families spend on their weddings?
Any information would be really appreciated. Thanks a lot!
(By the way, I am not Indian--I am Asian American (Chinese), born in Hong Kong and raised in New York.)
| By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 02, 2001 - 08:48 am: |
Has been difficult to find an indian forum to discuss issues related to marriage or is it my failure to find such forums. Anyways, I am really really close to this female. She is a nice person ( even if I say this as a third person when I met her for the first time ). She has an excellent career. We two get along as good companions also.
however she has this fear, and a very strong one, about adjustments after marriage. The adjustment is primarily focused on the family and life-styles. I agree that when two individuals get married it is not necessary for anyone to lose his/her identity/individuality. However there is some kind of adjustment which needs to be made from all ends (not only girl's).
people who are experienced and have faced similar situation can they please provide me some insight/direction/guidance about this situation. I don't know exactly what to ask for but I guess any opinion, comment, suggestion is welcome.
thanks