| By Millenium Babe on Saturday, June 19, 1999 - 04:32 pm: |
Dear Dexter
Hi, First of all Smethwick/Birmingham is in England (unfortunately!) still I hoping to emigrate to Italy once I've learnt the language as I am trying to learn italian - and then I won't have a language problem si? It's shame you live all the way in America - I bet it's alot better there than in crappy England!
By the way how old are you? and by the name 'Dexter' are you sikh? just wondering?!
Send me your picture because I would like to know what the person looks like that I am corresponding to. I'm afraid at the present moment I do not have an e-mail address, I use my brothers and I definitely don't want him reading my messages! Still I try to get an e-mail address - for the moment though I off shopping! Ciao!
| By Dexter on Saturday, June 19, 1999 - 07:13 pm: |
Dear Millenium Babe,
C'mon now, England can't be that bad. I've never been there, but I know it has to be better than Alabama. It's a rest haven for Klansmen there, or at least it was when I went there the first time (and hopefully the LAST time).
By the way, Dexter is my middle name.
Best of Luck in learning Italian, Millenium Babe. If you can know and speak Spanish, you can probably learn most or all of the Latin/Romance languages.
Ciao bella,
Dexter
| By rajesh on Saturday, June 19, 1999 - 07:28 pm: |
dear princess,
i would like to join the conversation between u and indianpotato .for giving your answer , i am getting married to my fiancee in october of this year . we have been enguaged since last 5 months. i also have a similar problem as indian potato is having. my fiancee is not fulfilling all of my or maybe any of my expectations as far as the looks and the beauty goes. i am worried about my and her future after marriage since i am always getting attracted to beautiful girls and if this will continue, definately it will ruin our lifes.our society is such that our marriage can't be cancelled. only the thing i am satisfied with is that she has got the capability of being a good support to my mother and father.i am a goodlooking guy and in software feild. some times i think that it is in my fortune but what about my expectation and my sexual fantacies. is it true that the sexual attraction reduces after 6-8 months of marriage nomatter how beautiful your wife may be . if it is tha case, then i will marry her compromising on my part
please reply
| By Millenium Babe on Saturday, June 19, 1999 - 08:37 pm: |
Buonsera, Dexter (good afternoon!)
thanks for replying back to me - this italian is a wee bit tricky for me but I have to learn it because i recently went to Italy for a holiday, I have two families on my mum's side living there - just outside Venice - it was heavenly. Anyway, my cousins speak italian and I felt fustrated because I couldn't understand them. So I though I would beat them at their own game when I go back to visit in September.
After all how hard can a foreign lanuage be to learn? (don't ask!)
Have you always lived in America? I too also have cousins there (again on my mum's side) who live in Chicargo. And I went to visit them last in 1989 when I was 19.
So Dexter what is your first name then?
| By Dexter on Sunday, June 20, 1999 - 03:53 am: |
Buonsera Millenium Babe,
I was born and raised in Georgia. As a matter of fact, I just came from a flight to Chicago last month. It was my first time there. I wish I went there last year when Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen were both playing for the Chicago Bulls.
I would like to give you my picture, but since you said that you don't want your brother checking out your email, then I'll just wait.
I'll give you credit. You're actually trying to be fluent in a foreign language in two months. I need more time than that. It took me almost two years to be somewhat fluent in Spanish. I hope I can travel out of the US where I could speak a different language other than English (just as long as I'm fluent enough to understand it).
My first name is Derrick actually. Are there many Englishmen named Dexter? Just asking.
| By Princess on Monday, June 21, 1999 - 02:03 am: |
Rajesh,
Don't go on presumptions about marriage or sex based on hearsay. Your sexual relationship will be as colorfull or as dull as you make it. If you arne't attracted to her why did you agree to go through with this marriage? I understand all the other things that Indian culture puts emphasis on however attraction is a big factor. Why did you agree if you think you are better then her and she isn't upto your par?
Secondly after getting to know her (I'm not sure how long you've been engaged to her and what kind of a relationship you have with her) you aren't attracted to her still then you might have a problem. You'll be going into this marriage with your preconcieved notions and that's not a healthy way to start out.
Remember beauty itsle if relative and not constant and it truly lies in the eyes of the beholder. What is beautiful now may not be so tomorrow, what isn't may become so. Can you elaborate?
| By opinion on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 - 09:59 am: |
Rajesh Rajesh,
I saw your question and thought I answer as well.
Don't marry a girl and ruin her life and yours
if you are not attracted to her. She is a good support... Ha... is that all a wife is supposed to be? Why don't you take some time and really think what is best for you/her in long run...say may be 5-10yrs. Marriages are made of 2 people not just one person's wishes, dreams and desires. Think about it.
my 2cents.
| By rajesh on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 - 09:30 pm: |
dear princess and opinion
Thank u very much for yr reply. i had been enguaged to her since 10 months. To be very true, initially for 2 months i was very much attracted to her till we started having sex.now the attraction have reduced a bit say 30% from what i had in the beginning .also in terms of love , i care for her very very much but i am not getting that feeling for her which i got when i was in love.i had experienced what love is. i was in love with a 38 yrs old married lady. it was a kind of love which i can say ,developed from my sympathy towards her in whatever problems she was facing from her husband. it was oct 96 when it all started. that time she was wery upset due to the tortured which she was facing from her husband, daily drinking habits of her husband and she was such a beautiful lady from inside as well as outside that i cant see her or imagine her getting tortured in that way. she also liked me and she expressed herself one day when we all had gone to watch the movie . we were sitting side by side and our hands on the hand support of the chair. i dont know when our fingers touched and she took my fingers in her hand. it was a feeling that i can't write here as such i am poor in writing. she used to tell me that she forgets all her pains once she talks to me or sees me.taking her hands into mine for more then enough for me.it continued of 11/2 yr but since she was my family friend, the things got leaked out but in a controlled manner and since we saw no way we can come close each other we ended our relationship in the benefit of her family and kids and only i know how painful it was and is now.
so since love can be done for only one time, i dont have that kind of love to my fiancee but i care about her very much i had been attracted to her in the beginning but after having sex it has reduced to some extent.i feel that attraction is a matter of few months and it is going to fade away and what will be behind is the inner beauty of yr partner. now there is no doubt that my fiancee and i go very well with each other in terms of nature and talks the only thing matters is her looks for which i am compromising at this moment.we both have well understood each other and now at this moment if i cancell my marriage it will be the most shocking news for her. what is the gearentee that after i find another girl which will be beautiful, my attraction towards her won't fade away.and also she will be having the nature which my fiancee is having
these are the reasons why i am going forward for my marriage,please let me know whether i am on a right decision or not.
| By Princess on Thursday, June 24, 1999 - 09:39 am: |
Rajesh,
Looks to me like all you are really looking for is to fulfill yourself. You need to get your priorities straight. Marriage and relationships aren't based solely on sex. If that is all you are looking for in this marriage and it seems so then you need to let this woman go because you are with her for selfish reasons. You were attracted to her only because you were getting laid for a lack of better word. So now that you aren't getting laid you aren't feeling attracted.
Love by the way is a two way street. What you developed with a married I'm assuming older woman is not only not under normal circumstances but you are comparing it to a woman you are planning on getting married to. You can't weigh out the rest of your life and future relationships according to the fling you had with a married woman. You were part of a deception and that in itself is not normal however to each his own. Seems to me like you aren't over it and putting the burden of this torment/guilt on your current relationship.
You need to grow up some yourself before you get married because you have a lot to learn about relationships and women. It will be a difficult path for you if you go ahead into a marriage in this state of mind/temperament.
| By bhopad on Thursday, July 08, 1999 - 12:31 am: |
Dear All,
I was following Princess & Rajesh's ideas on the topic. I personally found it very interesting and intriguing. But you got to admit that he has raised some great points with himself at the receiving end from Princess. Probably he finally realised that Princess and he belong to absolutely different schools of thought and left.
The issue boils down to this:
What is the nature of man? Is everything like a toy to him which he enjoys and forgets the pleasure he got because he now has a new toy? This feeling of change and need for something new to intrigue him is eternal. So after civilization what is the improvement he has actually acquired- I guess nothing, as far as desires are concerned. he will still go for the new toy in exchange for the old one. So we have culture which gives guidelines to artificially keep a man from playing with millions of toys in his lifetime and restrict himself to a few in america and BYGOD only 1 in India. Notice that I compared toys to a wife here because although we may want man to recognize the difference, he cannot control to differentiate his desires at all- and thats natural like the desire for food or sleep. So he desires a lot BUT acts on a few & develops restraint for the rest which is exactly where Rajesh was. He was expressing his desires and also admitting that he probably loves his fiance & wanting help in reality. Does it make him self-fulfilling? I don't think so..
Now coming to the point about marriage and sex. It is very clear that like evrything you play with or work with gets old, sex gets old quickly. Rajesh you got to accept this. this would have happened with the earlier girl you were with also. that is why it becomes so important that you find many other ways of enjoying together and still want each others company. Married life has so many charms that you have easily a lifetime to enjoy all of them with one woman. don't you see that's the simple reason why woman has been made so difficult to understand because if you did, you would get bored. the problem is the question arises in the minds of both partners whether it is worthwhile staying together after a while rather than find someone new and start all over again. The difference between an indian and an american is here, many in america choose the later while almost all cases in India or couples who had Indian upbringing decide to stay it out and try and explore new ways or reasons to be together. After a while though, they become so close that they can't think of a life without their partner and finally grow old together (this is not a fairy tale but reality-a prophesy of a fulfilling life and the single most reason for indian children getting the opportunity of a memorable childhood). I understand that there are exceptions but the most important thing is that this is the rule.
I hope I will get a lot of responses from you all.
Thanks
| By Thinker on Thursday, July 08, 1999 - 10:51 pm: |
Question to women:
Not very women would want to make a commitment, be loyal, support and sacrifice themselves for any men who wants to play around with them and compares/relates/behaves towards them as if they are toys.
Basically, what Bhopad is saying men are totally ruled by their needs.
We (humans) all have needs but we control them. Just because we can talk and speak that does not mean in a theatre or room full of people, we don’t scream FIRE unnecessarily.
We all have need for money…but we don’t go and rob banks.
Toys are for children. Children are not mature to make life-long decisions. If a man doesn’t have a maturity to make a life-long decision with his wife then he needs to remain a single guy. It more or less sounds like Rajesh, wants to have a cake and eat it to. Don’t we all. Which in my opinion is a sign of immaturity. Perhaps Rajesh should hold off on getting married and clear up some confusion about value of committed relationships vs. experiementing, finding that love he is longing for, and do some introspection before he goes and gets married to a woman.
If he wants love… why is he going for an arrange marriage? Why doesn’t he wait to find his love and go through love marriage.
If he is equating love to sex then he is confused.
If he just wants to play around like one plays with toys. I have got news for you…. WOMEN ARE NOT RECEPTORS/AT DISPOSAL TO MEN’S NEEDS. WOMEN HAVE FEELINGS AND SHOULD NOT BE TOYED WITH. Go play with something. else. Most Indian women have very emotional feelings attached with sex. No one should misuse someone’s emotions just because they want to play, can’t control their needs or hormones.
At least dogs are more loyal.
| By Anonymous on Sunday, July 11, 1999 - 12:55 am: |
Beauty is skin deep, beauty is only internal,.... think again before you accept such statements ! To define what beauty is, is very difficult. The word beauty is quiet abstract and there is no one way of interpreting it. I guess most of us have our own way of thinking about this word. I personally feel the following :
1. I think of physical beauty - our body, nature etc.
2. Both fair skin and black skin is beautiful, both small eyes and big eyes are beautiful ; in other words beauty is a very subjective word.
3. It is quiet senseless to call something beautiful and something ugly. Why should a butterfly be thought of as beautiful and a moth be thought of as being ugly ?
4. Beauty can also be used in the context of ideas, thoughts, deeds etc. It can't be categorised as something being strictly physical or external or internal. Who knows, after another century or more, people might start using this very same word in other contexts also !
| By bhopad on Sunday, July 11, 1999 - 01:44 am: |
anonymous,
You may be a poet about beauty but I have a clear understanding f beauty. It is a combination of features if youre talking about external beauty and a combination of personality traits & attitude if you're looking for internal beauty. It is never one thing or the other but always a combination.
But what we are talking about here is that external beauty and all thise combinations can wilt away with time and you can only bring it back so much by cosmetics and exercise. But internal beauty gets better and better with life and if you love your partner based on internal beauty you have a much better chance of a fulfilling life rather than change every 2-3 years for that Miss USA or Miss India.
| By FunLover on Friday, August 20, 1999 - 08:26 am: |
Anonymous,
Beauty is skin deep brother. But 'tis deep enough to satisfy me!
| By dr bela on Monday, October 11, 1999 - 01:41 pm: |
i would like to know how newer technology is going to affect parenting &and also the good &bad effects of newer technology on children in the next mellinium.
| By Princess on Monday, October 11, 1999 - 05:56 pm: |
dr bela,
Can you specify what type of technology you are talking about in particular? What specific things do you have in mind. Usually technology is good for the most part, and everything has it's drawbacks but I was wondering if you would care to expand.
| By Anonymous on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 12:11 am: |
hi!i would like u people to solve my problem.i am a girl of 16 years but my phisique doesn't show that.i mean that i am 5 5 but my breast r very small which give an abnormal look to my figure.can u give me some natural tips to grow breasts without medication.i hope u will help me and mail the answer to men as soon as possible.
| By cllifhanger on Saturday, May 12, 2001 - 09:07 am: |
beauty is not a thing to be discussed it depends on individual perception.there are innumerable persons who love their counterparts who may be not very beautifull or handsome to the world & above all their love is true.